The Quiet Wisdom of Audrey Hepburn
"anyone who does not believe in miracles is not a realist."
The unique thing about Audrey Hepburn is she really was beautiful, in the ways that matter, not just the obvious ways that made her famous.
She’s taught me many things about the small wonders in life and that is what this essay is all about.
I hope you find similar inspiration here.
This essay was originally shared online in 2020.
Recently, I had the good fortune of picking up a book I bought a long time ago at one of those out-of-the-way used bookshops. It’s called “Audrey at Home: Memories of my Mother’s Kitchen.” I’ve always loved Audrey Hepburn’s seemingly effortless glamour, class, and charm. I delighted in her whimsical and heartbreaking performance as Holly Golightley in Breakfast at Tiffany’s (“Moon River” was my husband and my first dance at our wedding) – I adored her naivety and verve in Sabrina and Roman Holiday – and I admired her wit and humor as Jo Stockton in Funny Face. But of course these were all just characters. I really knew very little about Audrey Hepburn as a person or why she became a somewhat illusive figure in Hollywood after her initial success.
This book is a charming and heartwarming read. I imagine all Audrey Hepburn fans will find it delightful. Written and assembled by her son, Luca, this "kitchen table biography," as it is aptly called, is filled with personal reflections, family photographs, and recipes from different 'eras' of Hepburn's life. While Hepburn was proud of her work as an actress, her real loves in life were much simpler - a child of war-time deprivation, she considered any of life's 'extra' blessings (beyond basic necessities) a sheer gift.
For a woman with such a glamorous reputation, her true joys in life were simple ones. She loved gardening, flowers, fresh vegetables, skiing, dinner parties, and being a mother to her two sons. And of course it was her work with UNICEF near the end of her life (when she discovered a "useful" application of her celebrity status) that she wanted to be her most enduring legacy.
I find much of her life philosophy inspiring and beautiful. The book is filled with charming quotes and anecdotes, and the recipes are largely quite simple. I made Audrey's penne alla vodka and it was completely marvelous. Hepburn loved pasta in the way only a naturally petite woman can love pasta - without restraint.
What can we learn from Audrey Hepburn?
Plant a garden
“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”
Hepburn loved to garden - she loved flowers, fresh vegetables, and flowering trees. Wherever she lived, she made sure to have a garden. Growing up with ration cards, threats of violence, and rampant illness, she found the quiet joys of planting and growing plants to be one of life’s greatest gifts. Whether you live in the countryside with room for large garden beds or you’re growing a simple basil plant on your apartment windowsill, the peace of growing things teaches us to trust in the promises of tomorrow.
“Finally and above all, there were flowers. Mum had learned their names as a young girl, when she would spend the summer with a family of miners in England. She cared for them with a devotion she reserved for things that were truly important […] She always wanted the house full of bouquets of flowers. She went into the garden by herself every morning to pick them, returning with overflowing baskets. […] In Holland, they named two flowers after her, an “Audrey Hepburn Tulip” and then an “Audrey Hepburn Rose.” She felt this homage was ‘the most romantic thing that can happen to you.’”
- Luca Dotti, Hepburn’s son, writing in “Audrey at Home: Memories of my Mother’s Kitchen”
2. Put others first
“It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so 'don't fuss, dear; get on with it.’”
Audrey Hepburn believed life was about service to others. Hepburn never forgot the aid she received as a child from UNICEF during the war. As a Goodwill Ambassador in her later years, she took particular interest in the care of children, an act she saw as entirely apolitical - “Taking care of children has nothing to do with politics. I think perhaps with time, instead of there being a politicization of humanitarian aid, there will be a humanization of politics.” Whether you are bringing joy to others through your vocation as a film actress, or a mother, or a teacher, or a spouse, or an artist, or an engineer… Others first is a mentality that always keeps what matters most at the forefront of our lives. Be charitable, be generous, be compassionate.
3. Appreciate the little things
“Let's face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.”
According to Hepburn’s son Luca, his mother loved chocolate. Chocolate and pasta. She once packed an entire suitcase full of spaghetti before leaving for vacation in the Caribbean. Cooking pasta was a ‘small comfort’ for her, but one that made her feel at home wherever she was. He remembers the mischievous way she would sometimes suggest, “let’s make some pasta and watch TV together tonight.”
Hepburn puzzled Hollywood movie directors when she began turning down starring roles to spend more time with her family, but for Hepburn, life’s greatest joys were simple - her children, the outdoors, her garden, a piece of cake. Don’t get so distracted by ‘glamour’ that you forgo life’s greatest gifts.
“It’s going to sound like a thumping bore, but my idea of heaven is Robert and my two sons at home - I hate separations - and the dogs, a good movie, a wonderful meal […] I am really blissful when that happens. My goal was not to have huge luxuries. As a child, I wanted a house with a garden, which I have today. This is what I dreamed of.”
-Audrey Hepburn, as quoted in “Audrey at Home: Memories of my Mother’s Kitchen”
4. Don’t worry too much about the future
“Pick the day. Enjoy it - to the hilt. The day as it comes. People as they come... The past, I think, has helped me appreciate the present - and I don't want to spoil any of it by fretting about the future.”
Hepburn took each day as it came, doing her best not to fret about the future, enjoying what she had in the moment. Her early life of deprivation and uncertainty during war time taught her to never sour the present moment because you’re worrying too much about ‘what if.’ The past is past, the future is largely out of our hands. Trust, prepare, hope, and enjoy the moment.
“My mother was always ready to start over from zero. I recall that during the financial troubles of the mideighties, she said to her companion, Robert, who feared a crash: “So what? Even if we were to lose everything, we have a garden, we can grow potatoes and eat them.”
5. Love children, animals, and nature
“I think that's what life is all about, actually, about children and flowers.”
Hepburn had a great capacity for affection. She always had at least a few dogs (Jack Russells were her favorite breed in later years). Her cows were known to graze in her garden in Switzerland. Once she even adopted a pet deer from a movie set. She loved horses and was an accomplished rider. She enjoyed the countryside and long walks with her dogs. She cherished her time with her two sons and spent the later part of her life devoted to helping children in need. Both animals and children keep us close to what really matters in life. They encourage us to play, to live in the moment, and to love unconditionally.
6. Be grateful
“If my world were to cave in tomorrow, I would look back on all the pleasures, excitements and worthwhilenesses I have been lucky enough to have had. Not the sadness, not my miscarriages or my father leaving home, but the joy of everything else. It will have been enough.”
Hepburn’s life wasn’t without troubles. Wartime hardships, two divorces, multiple miscarriages, complicated family relationships, dashed dreams of being a dancer. Even Hollywood stars have reason enough to despair. Yet, Hepburn’s overwhelming feeling was always one of stunned gratitude - she never could believe her ‘luck’ at making it in the movie business, of traveling the world, of being a mother to two sons she adored. In spite of, and even because of, life’s hardships, we can all hopefully look at our lives and say, yes, “it will have been enough.” Hope, gratitude, joy, amazement - “worthwhileness.”
“Anyone who does not believe in miracles is not a realist.”
Listen to the Born of Wonder Podcast Episode - The Wisdom of Audrey Hepburn
I love everything she loved...and books. The women in my family all took her as their style icon. 😊🩵
Inspired to make the penne alla vodka, it sounds delicious! Also thank you for sharing this essay, Audrey's wit and charm is so reassuring when life gets a bit hectic.