monthly musings vol. 16
solo travel as a mom, gorge river swimming, learning to relax, not dying stressed, and many links!
Hi, I’m Katie, a writer and podcaster and I believe that literature, art, beauty, theology, and wonder are worth our time and attention. Every month I do some ‘musings’ on various topics on my mind… like whether or not it is good to exist or the gift of mornings or conversion anniversaries. I also share some links to thought-provoking writing going on around the web. This edition is free for you to read, but took time and research to write - consider upgrading to a paid subscription to support the work I do.
A group of young boys raced passed me like an enthusiastic pack of puppies, tumbling into the water, seeing who could swim to the other shore the fastest. Then it was time to jump into sand dunes and skip stones. Their abandon was infectious. I looked up the river at Quechee gorge - the deepest in Vermont, 165 feet deep, formed 13,000 years ago by shifting glaciers - and thought, why not?
I started out tentative, taking off my sneakers and socks, rolling up my leggings and wading in. The sun hit my back and the river felt cool and strong, shifting stones and clay mud under my feet. A deep pool and a break in the current span out in front of me and I let go, shirt clinging to my back as I paddled into the deep and spun my arms out. I let myself drift a while, then swam against the current back to shore. I thought of Chesterton’s great line,
“A dead thing can go with the stream, but only a living thing can go against it.”
Yes. And I was alive in the world and in my body, dwarfed by the gorge and swimming in the Ottauquechee River, feeling the hum of thousands of years of shifting rock and sand between my toes.
Swim with, swim against. The balance is hard to achieve. When to swim against the current? When to swim with it?
I lay out on a rock to dry, the sun warm and strong and the clouds above me dancing in a multitude of shapes - a dragon, a ship, a bird. Imagination is easy to fall back into, when we let ourselves.
These naturalistic musings are brought to you by an uncharacteristically serene kid-less trip for me. I’m writing to you from the airport, ready to get home to my bustling, chaotic girls and my wildly full life. But this moment of reprieve feels like an exhale. The reasons for this jaunt up north is a longer story for another day, but it was an equestrian errand, and it makes me grateful all over again for horses and the adventure they have consistently, continuously brought into my life.
When I saw families with children on my travels - frantic Moms, harried Dads, crying babies, whining toddlers - I wanted to shout out, I'm one of you!!! I feel a bit like I'm going incognito. I've had a shower, I am not rushed, but this is not who I am! I always feel a little limbless without my kids. Even a solo trip to the grocery store feels like I’m keeping a secret sometimes. I remember after I had my first baby I just wanted everyone to know, look I had a baby, my whole self is changed, my whole life is changed! This time by myself, well it's not real! But what I'm learning is - yes it is real. You are a mother but you are also a person outside of your familial relationships and it's good to feel steady in that identity too. But in any case, my solidarity still stands - traveling parents, I am with you in spirit always!
The relaxation and acceptance I now feel at the end of this little getaway were hard-earned. It seems in these past few years of motherhood I have well and truly forgotten how to be.
When I arrived at my Airbnb in a very rural area of Vermont (blissful, mountainous, the Von Trapps could have popped out at any moment I swear) I felt nearly frantic. It was much too quiet for starters. My ears were ringing with it. And for another, no one needed me for anything. In fact, I could do whatever I wanted for the entire evening. I felt absolutely paralyzed by this gift of free time.
How often do I daydream about an afternoon or evening to sit and read when I’m not too tired to enjoy it? Well, quite often. And here it was! I felt such enormous pressure. I better hurry up and read three novels and write a book with this free time or else it would be wasted! Hurry up, relax, go, go, go!
It took the whole evening and the next morning for me to fall into this time alone - to let go of any guilt and anxiety and just live it. Time to pick up and go, where I wanted, when I wanted. To be and read and think and sleep. What a novelty. What a gift.
So I rode a horse and I swam in the river and I found my way to a ‘fermentery’ with fiddle music and wholesome hippies and crackling bonfires. I also saw so many children - running wildly in the hills and chasing each other and climbing trees and dancing to music. I saw nursing babies and pregnant mothers and many, many families delighting in the chill evening air (yes it was cold at night and people wore sweaters and it was bliss).
I often get a little curmudgeonly about the state of the world - and don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty to be curmudgeonly about, but there are also many, many people delighting in nature and loving one another and raising families. The world is full of goodness and beauty, it really, really is.
One of the other notable things I loved about this trip were the many opportunities to frequent locally owned stores. Vermont is notorious for its fight against chains (they still don’t have a Chik Fil A anywhere in the state!) and it has paid off. Towns have a real feel to them and are largely dominated by ‘mom and pop’ shops and general stores and even delightfully eccentric bookstores, like this one I found in Woodstock. As the notecard on the door explained the owner would be in “by chance or by appointment.” In my half hour of browsing I never found him so I’m not sure what I would have done if I wanted to buy anything, but in any case I was grateful for the chance to contemplatively breathe in so many dusty, beautiful books.
So! I send you all the peace of these few days. I’m hoping to bring some of the chill of New England back South with me as I dig into survival mode for July and August, our sweltering, swamp-like time of year. But you know what else is nice, for all my admiration of New England and Vermont in particular, this is perhaps the first time when I could love a place and not want to pick up and move there. I’ve been a notorious ‘wander-luster’ - always thinking maybe it would be better (and certainly cooler!) elsewhere. But I feel so at home and so settled in our little world, in our little Shire. It isn’t perfect (take the heat please!) but it is beautiful and it is ours. This is no small thing!
I could tell you about my ongoing bronchitis or the toddler’s hellish case of croup that dominated the early part of the month but I’m ending June on a high and I’m taking with me this new idea - don’t dwell on it! And also this line from an Anne Hathaway interview where she explained her solution to anxiety: “I just tell myself, You are not going to die stressed.” Amen! I refuse!
Anyway, onto the links!!
- ’s words are always such a comfort and delight. I so enjoyed this essay - “Tales of Loss, Stories of Light”
- packing a punch yet again - “Our New Religion isn’t Enough”
“We call it a revolt; feels more like resignation. No point having kids. No point committing. No point building any sort of foundation with anyone. Life is hopeless. No wonder we are drawn to the gospel of self-love and obsessively managing our own mental health. When everything is transient, might as well live for yourself. The only one left to rely on.”
“The Case for Paid Paternity Leave” from
. 100 times yes.- ’s post on the Eucharist and love and the body was just every theology lesson I ever needed. Thank you for this.
A photographer took photos of her parents on the same weekend for decades. It’s very moving. Time is a gift and a thief.
The ever wise
with some very wise words on money.You should go to Church. Even if you don't believe in God. From America magazine.
- on the banishment of beauty from everyday life and the true lack that has created.
Sylvia Plath's daughter Frieda Hughes has written a "magpie memoir." I read it and though I thought it was a bit disorganized at times, it was also very charming. (she has some dozen owls and rides a motorcycle and seems like a pretty interesting person besides). But if you're looking for a fantastic bird memoir (a genre you didn't know you needed), I suggest H is for Hawk hands down.
- with a healthy dose of skepticism re the FDA's advised warning label on social media. (It's a good thing but you're the parent! Do something now!)
Always here for a good 'leaving Instagram' post. From
My friend
with good advice for those of us who grit our teeth through summertime. I'm surviving by making everything I drink 'a treat.' Bubbly or fruity or something! Spindrift for the win.I know assisted reproduction is a touchy topic (for good reason) but I truly think we're going to need to get a lot more comfortable talking about it as a society. Whether it's surrogacy or IVF or sperm donation, there are looming ethical questions and in a largely unregulated industry, they just aren't being asked. Parents and would-be-parents are suffering, but even more so, the children. Here is one sad story of surrogacy's effects on the child and some of the dark sides of IVF.
(As a side note, now that I am a Mom and I know those incredibly vulnerable, special, biologically necessary moments with mom and baby after birth it physically hurts me to think we bring children into the world with the specific intention of disrupting that process. We acknowledge the wounds and trauma of adoption (even with its simultaneous goodness and opportunities for redemption) but we don't acknowledge the trauma of babies brought into the world intentionally denied access to their biological mother and/or father)
Some really poignant thoughts re grieving and social media from
by Rachel CerrottiI can’t wait to read this new book edited by
: Women of the Catholic Imagination!Absolutely brilliant and required reading from
on ‘The Three Rs of Unmachining”Side note - my husband is now totally gone to a flip phone and loves it. I’m not sure if I’m there yet but seeing his experience has convinced me it can be done!!!
The podcast is on a little summer hiatus - or at least a summer ‘who knows when I’ll record’ time - so if you’re looking for some Born of Wonder related listening why don’t you tune into this interview I did with the lovely Rachel Sherlock of Risking Enchantment all about music and creating music and all the value it brings to our lives.
I finished writing this post mid-air, flying over clouds like some sort of space-age miracle. Sometimes we forget the everyday insanity and beauty that is life on this earth. Like Joni Mitchell, “I've looked at clouds from both sides now.” And like Joe Fox, I've asked, “What does that mean? Is she a pilot? Is she taking flying lessons? It must be a metaphor for something, but I don't know what it is.”
I'm all about that Balance - actually it's my word of the year. So cheers to that!
Also if you want to take a solo trip, you can and you should. Go swimming, count clouds, read a book. Or hey, just come to Ireland with me and
in October! Speaking of which, we'll be hosting a Zoom the evening of July 10th so mark your calendar. More on that soon.Slainte, cheers, peace, summer joys, all good things,
x Katie
Visit www.bornofwonder.com and find Born of Wonder the podcast on podbean, iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you download your podcasts.
Connect with me for audio support, podcast consultation, museum and memory making initiatives, soundscapes, or voiceovers by visiting www.mediamarqcreative.com
Contact me anytime at: marquettekatie@gmail.com
"Even a solo trip to the grocery store feels like I’m keeping a secret sometimes" okay, YES. I'll think to myself 'and I don't have just one kid, I have two!!' followed by 'i bet all these people think I'm a college kid still' even though I'm well past that period of time 🤣 aging is weird.
Also, I love that you got to visit VT! I worked in Woodstock at the elementary school my first year as a teacher and grew up not too far away from there. To be honest, it's considered a very uppity town, pretty touristy, but it does have charm.
1. I’m glad I’m not the only person who doesn’t like summer. I grew up in Northern New England (right next to Vermont!) and I loved it then, but now I live in the South and I don’t 😂
2. You know when you think something privately that you imagine nobody else on earth has ever thought and then you see it on the page? That’s what happened to me with your comment on people not knowing you’re a Mom when you’re without your kids. After I had my son, if I went to the dentist or the grocery store on my own, I’d look around and think to myself “they don’t know that I’m a mother.” It made me realize why shirts/sweaters with “Mama” on the front are so popular. Your identity underwent a fundamental change and you need people to know!