The irony is that I scrolled through your (quite lovely) photos whilst pondering in my mind your words about ‘a life that isn’t mine’.
Which is kind of why I read Substack (and other things)… for inspiration, to allow myself to drift, to ponder, to imagine—-it may bit be algorithmically (sp?) driven, or full of ads, but its still some kind of dopamine hit, otherwise I wouldn’t be lying here — I’d be up enjoying the cool air and sun light in my own lovely yard, in my own simple life.. right? Maybe it’s not social media at all, or only, maybe it’s this stupid smartphone. Most of us, of a certain age, have only had these things in our hands/pockets/lives for, what, when did I get my first smartphone, 2014 maybe? It’s a crutch. At least I remember a life before it. Im not saying all of what it’s brought is ‘bad’ —- I certainly ‘enjoy’ it. But let’s not kid ourselves. Even without social media, it’s a time suck.
I think you're onto something here, Elle. I'm still working on how this will play out in my own life, but my husband has switched totally to a flip phone and seeing his experience with that we are both seeing there is a bigger issue here besides just social media. Though legacy social media is/was by far the biggest time suck on the smartphone, the smartphone itself is still a huge issue to 'presence' - even WhatsApp, Substack, etc. things I 'like.' As far as experiencing 'lives not my own' of course I do this - via literature, books, good essay writing (like here on Substack) - and my measure for whether this is 'good' or not is whether I feel inspired (more rooted/interested in my own life after reading) or envious/discontent. There does seem to a big difference - for me - in how I feel after taking the time to read on Substack v when I would swipe through Instagram. But, yes, it's a big issue and I think taking a really big step back from smartphone use in general will be in the future for me as well.
This is such a timely post! I read Ruth’s interview with Erin and ended up driving down to the store to get her book! Been wrestling with the idea of hopping off SM and even wrote about it for my upcoming Monday post. Great stuff here and very encouraging ❤️
I try to use the Internet for in-person friendships. Like, there is a facebook group that alerts members of the roadkill (deer) that can be harvested on the island where I live. So, that's helpful. Or a few years ago, I moved to a new city and the people I met used facebook to plan and share events. Facebook is kind of the community square. What I've found is that in order to know what in-person events are taking place, I have to be on facebook (which I kind of resent because I don't want to be on the platform). I also use it to advertise my foraging classes and people show up because they saw it in the facebook events. I try to keep this as my intention when engaging with these platforms - transform the virtual into in-person.
I find that social media is bad for my own mental health. If I am in a low place and I see someone flashing their seemingly amazing life, I just get lower. Their lives may highlight what I don't have (at least in that moment) and that can be triggering. Of course I know many people share an image of a great life and it's just an image. Their lives may in fact be miserable. I've had to unfollow perfectly nice people because I wasn't in a place to witness their happiness and not feel like my own life sucks. So, I have not found the platforms useful for keeping in touch in a meaningful way.
This sounds like a good balance Alissa! I sometimes think of starting a facebook page just for our farm - like I said in the essay, every single equestrian/farm community is on Facebook these days and it's very frustrating to try to follow along on out-of-date websites etc. Maybe I will someday, but at the moment it just seems better to be completely off (and I often ask friends to share things on my behalf etc.)
It’s warmer than Canada, that’s for sure… (One of the reasons we retired here is that hubby and I were tired of being cold, and needed more sunlight in our lives - the Algarve averages about 300 days of sun/year!)
I’m curious to hear about how you approach a business/writing/podcasting, whatever, without social media. It sometimes (and probably falsely) feels like the only option for getting the word out. I’d love to do what you have done but always use my writing as an excuse not to - not that anyone reads my stuff on social media anyways haha.
Hi Maggie, thanks for reading. I think that social media was probably a lot more useful for promotion even just a few years ago, but the algorithm changes mean that you need a truly large following (I'm talking 20k followers plus at least) AND to be posting nearly daily for you to even show up in the feeds of people who ALREADY follow you. That seemed like way more time and effort than I was willing to put in.
The biggest opportunities for promotion - whether it's for my writing or my business (which is audio consulting/engineering) - has been cross posting and recommendations. This is the #1 way I have gotten writing opportunities, audio jobs, etc. People just need to recommend you! On Substack, that can mean you are linked in another person's post. Or maybe you are on a podcast as a guest and therefore reaching a new audience. For work, this means that my current clients recommend me or have a new job they want me to do. It also required a lot of old fashioned networking - calling up old colleagues at the radio station, meeting for lunch, asking about opportunities - etc etc. Social media has played no role in any of this. I also use LinkedIn and am a member of AIR (independents in radio).
Promotion is always hard but I think it's just a marketing lie at this point that you *need* social media to succeed in your chosen field. Some aspects may be more difficult depending on your industry, but it absolutely can be done.
I also just think philosophically it came down to whether I thought I could be a good writer if I was on social media. I decided I couldn't. To write you need a lot of time to read, process, slow your thinking. Spending my precious free time 'marketing' myself on social media made me a worse writer so in the end it didn't matter whether I was 'promoting' it or not. And as far as the writing itself, I realized I cared more about the quality/integrity of what I was writing v reaching the largest possible audience. (and then was simply pleasantly surprised to see I actually grew my audience MORE after signing off).
Wow thanks so much for taking the time to share. This gives me a lot of hope. I’ve got a small book coming out and have been feeling somewhat hopeless about how to sell it because I’m really not good at social media haha! Heck, even here I only have 39 followers. I suppose it will just take slow and steady time and work!
Congratulations on your book Maggie! I also try to remind myself that although it's completely natural to want to grow our audience (and that's a good thing!) you never know who you're meant to be writing for. There might be just one person who really needed to read what you wrote, and that would make the whole thing worth it. Good luck!
It's a prayer journal called "Hidden Holiness"... daily reflections for 6 weeks - trying to help moms find the holiness of motherhood as well as learning that prayer is possible, even if much different than before becoming a mother. Lots of saint stories, scripture reflections, and personal reflections. Currently waiting on artwork to bring it all together! My goal is release on August 15.
I long ago deleted the social media apps from my phone but the desktop is still there. The apps being gone helped but I still spend a lot of time in front of my computer.
But you've convinced me. I'm going to do this too. I'm getting off social media entirely. It's feeling like the only sane way to live.
I'm really and deeply glad for you! What beautiful truths about life and self and love you've learned in this journey!
Personally speaking, I feel called to engage in social media in a mission territory kind of way. This electronic surround is where many lonely seekers graze, and I know God sends me into those shadowy places to insert Love. I'm sure it's a special grace of God that (most of the time) I'm quite free while doing so.
That being said, I'm happy when people disconnect and experience Creation more fully as a result. Thank you for your testimony in that regard.
Loved this update! And your thoughts about wanting more of "this place" - a particular place - has me thinking a lot, as it's never something I've experienced, even before social media was a thing. I think for me the "this-ness" has to do with people rather than place, but always people in real life! I hate having my phone nearby as a distraction when there are people I'm trying to be present to - not that I'm even holding it, but just its presence in the room can be distracting when I know it's my only connection to someone who is far away. It seems like such a double-edged sword to be able to connect with loved ones who are not with me in this place: is it bringing them in, or taking me out?
I'm also catching myself scrolling through Notes a lot... which I really don't love...and setting the timers, etc. isn't helping.
Completely with you Kerri - it's a tough balance. I have people I know and love abroad and I love to 'stay in touch' but I find I do that better/more authentically through WhatsApp etc. But even then I need to put some parameters on it. When I'm so interested in voice memoing someone countries away that I'm not present to my own kids, it's a real problem. Again I just keep coming back to the fact that I think the smartphone - in its constant 'presence' - is such a huge problem. Notes is addictive and I scroll on it even without having the app. I wish they had kept the platform simple!
This is marvellous and encouraging, Katie. I was studying programming/systems analysis when the internet came of age, so I was an early very-online adapter. Still struggling with the balance. I love connecting - with people, ideas, places… I’ve resisted starting my own Substack (though I have an idea that’s been brewing for almost 2 years now) as I fear being sucked into the maelstrom. Thinking along with René Girard: what do I truly desire? As Luke Burgis put it so well, is it a thin or thick desire?
Thank you so much for reading Linda! I hope you do start a Substack :) I also found having Substack as an outlet was a good 'in between' when I gave up social media. It didn't feel like I had completely fallen off into the void. I think of Rene Girard and mimetic desire constantly. Social media makes it very difficult to discern our true interests, needs, desires, etc. And I love that idea of thick v thin. Lots of good thoughts!
Dear Katie, please could you tell me more about that delightful image of the two bears fellowshipping at the table? I would love to have something similar in my study.
I agreed with every word—and my timeline is pretty similar, since I gave up Instagram (my last active legacy social-media app) last March. Indeed, the longer I’m away from it, the more I recognize the insidious path to addiction that it is. These days, my phone spends more time in a wooden hutch than in my hand. I’m happier for it.
Substack Notes, with its unending doomscroll, is indeed addictive. That's why I don't have the Substack app downloaded to my phone. Writing for a personal newsletter or reading personal email subscriptions doesn't give anybody a quick dopamine hit. The amount of work somebody puts into reading a long-form essay (or, certainly, writing a long-form essay) delays gratification significantly. It's a bigger ask to read a long-form essay than to scroll Instagram. I'm sure there are lots of people who open up their email, see a new Substack essay in their inboxes, and immediately close their email inboxes in favor of opening up Instagram or Facebook to scroll. I'm not one of those people because I've made it impossible for myself to default to that kind of online behavior. Was I one of those people? Absolutely. However, I created the online behavior I wanted to see in myself by setting up new systems and dismantling old ones. It was a long process (years, actually) and I still feel like I have work to do, but my online behavior now feels sustainable (i.e., I can get online to do the work I need to do, engage with the content I want to see, and then log off and spend time in the real world). For me, engaging with Substack on my laptop, at my physical desk, is still helpful. Having the Substack app on my phone was not helpful, so I don't have it.
I also do not have the substack app on my phone for the same reasons. But I still find the notes feature a bit addictive when I log into it on a desktop.
I deleted my personal Facebook account many years ago, but have found myself spending more and more time on Instagram and now Threads... to what good end? None that I can identify. Seriously thinking about getting rid of both has caused me some anxiety. Let's deep-dive into that fact! I wonder what others have done after accounts like this one that tell the truth of having done so.
If I wasn’t an author publishing books, I would absolutely follow suit. I’ve been led to believe it’s “necessary” to connect with readers via social media, but I’m not so sure that is actually true. And yet, even if it isn’t, it might not matter so long as publishers believe it is, and so I maintain accounts because I worry that deleting them hurts my chances of getting book deals.
I feel about it kind of the way I feel about home birth — not an option for me (medically) but I SO wish I could do it.
Anyone else an author or work in publishing and can shed light on this aka give me permission to abandon ship??
Thank you for reading Samantha! If you scroll up to the reply I gave Maggie, this is sort of where I land on these things. And if it helps, I do have aspirations to write a book (working on it!) and have talked to at least one publisher who would be interested. So I just truly don't think you need social media. And in any case, in my own personal discernment, social media was just so toxic to me personally it made my writing worse (and well, everything worse) that selling more books just didn't matter to me at a certain point.
The irony is that I scrolled through your (quite lovely) photos whilst pondering in my mind your words about ‘a life that isn’t mine’.
Which is kind of why I read Substack (and other things)… for inspiration, to allow myself to drift, to ponder, to imagine—-it may bit be algorithmically (sp?) driven, or full of ads, but its still some kind of dopamine hit, otherwise I wouldn’t be lying here — I’d be up enjoying the cool air and sun light in my own lovely yard, in my own simple life.. right? Maybe it’s not social media at all, or only, maybe it’s this stupid smartphone. Most of us, of a certain age, have only had these things in our hands/pockets/lives for, what, when did I get my first smartphone, 2014 maybe? It’s a crutch. At least I remember a life before it. Im not saying all of what it’s brought is ‘bad’ —- I certainly ‘enjoy’ it. But let’s not kid ourselves. Even without social media, it’s a time suck.
I think you're onto something here, Elle. I'm still working on how this will play out in my own life, but my husband has switched totally to a flip phone and seeing his experience with that we are both seeing there is a bigger issue here besides just social media. Though legacy social media is/was by far the biggest time suck on the smartphone, the smartphone itself is still a huge issue to 'presence' - even WhatsApp, Substack, etc. things I 'like.' As far as experiencing 'lives not my own' of course I do this - via literature, books, good essay writing (like here on Substack) - and my measure for whether this is 'good' or not is whether I feel inspired (more rooted/interested in my own life after reading) or envious/discontent. There does seem to a big difference - for me - in how I feel after taking the time to read on Substack v when I would swipe through Instagram. But, yes, it's a big issue and I think taking a really big step back from smartphone use in general will be in the future for me as well.
This is such a timely post! I read Ruth’s interview with Erin and ended up driving down to the store to get her book! Been wrestling with the idea of hopping off SM and even wrote about it for my upcoming Monday post. Great stuff here and very encouraging ❤️
Thanks for reading Mandy - its a tough and important discernment!
I try to use the Internet for in-person friendships. Like, there is a facebook group that alerts members of the roadkill (deer) that can be harvested on the island where I live. So, that's helpful. Or a few years ago, I moved to a new city and the people I met used facebook to plan and share events. Facebook is kind of the community square. What I've found is that in order to know what in-person events are taking place, I have to be on facebook (which I kind of resent because I don't want to be on the platform). I also use it to advertise my foraging classes and people show up because they saw it in the facebook events. I try to keep this as my intention when engaging with these platforms - transform the virtual into in-person.
I find that social media is bad for my own mental health. If I am in a low place and I see someone flashing their seemingly amazing life, I just get lower. Their lives may highlight what I don't have (at least in that moment) and that can be triggering. Of course I know many people share an image of a great life and it's just an image. Their lives may in fact be miserable. I've had to unfollow perfectly nice people because I wasn't in a place to witness their happiness and not feel like my own life sucks. So, I have not found the platforms useful for keeping in touch in a meaningful way.
This sounds like a good balance Alissa! I sometimes think of starting a facebook page just for our farm - like I said in the essay, every single equestrian/farm community is on Facebook these days and it's very frustrating to try to follow along on out-of-date websites etc. Maybe I will someday, but at the moment it just seems better to be completely off (and I often ask friends to share things on my behalf etc.)
Alissa - I totally get what you’re saying! We now live in Portugal, and *everything* is organized on FB (and WhatsApp is used for everything else).
“I try to keep this as my intention when engaging with these platforms - transform the virtual into in-person.” 💯!!! A great way to sum it up.
How fabulous (and I'm sure hot) to live in Portugal!
It’s warmer than Canada, that’s for sure… (One of the reasons we retired here is that hubby and I were tired of being cold, and needed more sunlight in our lives - the Algarve averages about 300 days of sun/year!)
I’m curious to hear about how you approach a business/writing/podcasting, whatever, without social media. It sometimes (and probably falsely) feels like the only option for getting the word out. I’d love to do what you have done but always use my writing as an excuse not to - not that anyone reads my stuff on social media anyways haha.
Hi Maggie, thanks for reading. I think that social media was probably a lot more useful for promotion even just a few years ago, but the algorithm changes mean that you need a truly large following (I'm talking 20k followers plus at least) AND to be posting nearly daily for you to even show up in the feeds of people who ALREADY follow you. That seemed like way more time and effort than I was willing to put in.
The biggest opportunities for promotion - whether it's for my writing or my business (which is audio consulting/engineering) - has been cross posting and recommendations. This is the #1 way I have gotten writing opportunities, audio jobs, etc. People just need to recommend you! On Substack, that can mean you are linked in another person's post. Or maybe you are on a podcast as a guest and therefore reaching a new audience. For work, this means that my current clients recommend me or have a new job they want me to do. It also required a lot of old fashioned networking - calling up old colleagues at the radio station, meeting for lunch, asking about opportunities - etc etc. Social media has played no role in any of this. I also use LinkedIn and am a member of AIR (independents in radio).
Promotion is always hard but I think it's just a marketing lie at this point that you *need* social media to succeed in your chosen field. Some aspects may be more difficult depending on your industry, but it absolutely can be done.
I also just think philosophically it came down to whether I thought I could be a good writer if I was on social media. I decided I couldn't. To write you need a lot of time to read, process, slow your thinking. Spending my precious free time 'marketing' myself on social media made me a worse writer so in the end it didn't matter whether I was 'promoting' it or not. And as far as the writing itself, I realized I cared more about the quality/integrity of what I was writing v reaching the largest possible audience. (and then was simply pleasantly surprised to see I actually grew my audience MORE after signing off).
Wow thanks so much for taking the time to share. This gives me a lot of hope. I’ve got a small book coming out and have been feeling somewhat hopeless about how to sell it because I’m really not good at social media haha! Heck, even here I only have 39 followers. I suppose it will just take slow and steady time and work!
Congratulations on your book Maggie! I also try to remind myself that although it's completely natural to want to grow our audience (and that's a good thing!) you never know who you're meant to be writing for. There might be just one person who really needed to read what you wrote, and that would make the whole thing worth it. Good luck!
Hi Maggie, what is your book about? Maybe I can add it to one of my upcoming posts for 'further reading' :)
It's a prayer journal called "Hidden Holiness"... daily reflections for 6 weeks - trying to help moms find the holiness of motherhood as well as learning that prayer is possible, even if much different than before becoming a mother. Lots of saint stories, scripture reflections, and personal reflections. Currently waiting on artwork to bring it all together! My goal is release on August 15.
Thank you for the beautiful reminder to tune into the world around us! 💕
Thank you Lorissa <3
I long ago deleted the social media apps from my phone but the desktop is still there. The apps being gone helped but I still spend a lot of time in front of my computer.
But you've convinced me. I'm going to do this too. I'm getting off social media entirely. It's feeling like the only sane way to live.
Good for you Michael! I don't think you'll regret it.
I loved reading this! thank you for sharing. I am just now coming off Instagram and it feels so good to find a not so cluttered space.
Woo! Thank you Linda. Welcome!
I'm really and deeply glad for you! What beautiful truths about life and self and love you've learned in this journey!
Personally speaking, I feel called to engage in social media in a mission territory kind of way. This electronic surround is where many lonely seekers graze, and I know God sends me into those shadowy places to insert Love. I'm sure it's a special grace of God that (most of the time) I'm quite free while doing so.
That being said, I'm happy when people disconnect and experience Creation more fully as a result. Thank you for your testimony in that regard.
Loved this update! And your thoughts about wanting more of "this place" - a particular place - has me thinking a lot, as it's never something I've experienced, even before social media was a thing. I think for me the "this-ness" has to do with people rather than place, but always people in real life! I hate having my phone nearby as a distraction when there are people I'm trying to be present to - not that I'm even holding it, but just its presence in the room can be distracting when I know it's my only connection to someone who is far away. It seems like such a double-edged sword to be able to connect with loved ones who are not with me in this place: is it bringing them in, or taking me out?
I'm also catching myself scrolling through Notes a lot... which I really don't love...and setting the timers, etc. isn't helping.
Completely with you Kerri - it's a tough balance. I have people I know and love abroad and I love to 'stay in touch' but I find I do that better/more authentically through WhatsApp etc. But even then I need to put some parameters on it. When I'm so interested in voice memoing someone countries away that I'm not present to my own kids, it's a real problem. Again I just keep coming back to the fact that I think the smartphone - in its constant 'presence' - is such a huge problem. Notes is addictive and I scroll on it even without having the app. I wish they had kept the platform simple!
This is marvellous and encouraging, Katie. I was studying programming/systems analysis when the internet came of age, so I was an early very-online adapter. Still struggling with the balance. I love connecting - with people, ideas, places… I’ve resisted starting my own Substack (though I have an idea that’s been brewing for almost 2 years now) as I fear being sucked into the maelstrom. Thinking along with René Girard: what do I truly desire? As Luke Burgis put it so well, is it a thin or thick desire?
Thank you so much for reading Linda! I hope you do start a Substack :) I also found having Substack as an outlet was a good 'in between' when I gave up social media. It didn't feel like I had completely fallen off into the void. I think of Rene Girard and mimetic desire constantly. Social media makes it very difficult to discern our true interests, needs, desires, etc. And I love that idea of thick v thin. Lots of good thoughts!
Dear Katie, please could you tell me more about that delightful image of the two bears fellowshipping at the table? I would love to have something similar in my study.
Hi Michelle - this is the link. It's the night light we use in my daughter's room :)
https://www.etsy.com/listing/713901707/handmade-mica-night-light-bears-dining?ref=yr_purchases
Thank you, appreciate it!
I agreed with every word—and my timeline is pretty similar, since I gave up Instagram (my last active legacy social-media app) last March. Indeed, the longer I’m away from it, the more I recognize the insidious path to addiction that it is. These days, my phone spends more time in a wooden hutch than in my hand. I’m happier for it.
You don’t think Substack is as addictive though?
Substack Notes, with its unending doomscroll, is indeed addictive. That's why I don't have the Substack app downloaded to my phone. Writing for a personal newsletter or reading personal email subscriptions doesn't give anybody a quick dopamine hit. The amount of work somebody puts into reading a long-form essay (or, certainly, writing a long-form essay) delays gratification significantly. It's a bigger ask to read a long-form essay than to scroll Instagram. I'm sure there are lots of people who open up their email, see a new Substack essay in their inboxes, and immediately close their email inboxes in favor of opening up Instagram or Facebook to scroll. I'm not one of those people because I've made it impossible for myself to default to that kind of online behavior. Was I one of those people? Absolutely. However, I created the online behavior I wanted to see in myself by setting up new systems and dismantling old ones. It was a long process (years, actually) and I still feel like I have work to do, but my online behavior now feels sustainable (i.e., I can get online to do the work I need to do, engage with the content I want to see, and then log off and spend time in the real world). For me, engaging with Substack on my laptop, at my physical desk, is still helpful. Having the Substack app on my phone was not helpful, so I don't have it.
I also do not have the substack app on my phone for the same reasons. But I still find the notes feature a bit addictive when I log into it on a desktop.
I deleted my personal Facebook account many years ago, but have found myself spending more and more time on Instagram and now Threads... to what good end? None that I can identify. Seriously thinking about getting rid of both has caused me some anxiety. Let's deep-dive into that fact! I wonder what others have done after accounts like this one that tell the truth of having done so.
If I wasn’t an author publishing books, I would absolutely follow suit. I’ve been led to believe it’s “necessary” to connect with readers via social media, but I’m not so sure that is actually true. And yet, even if it isn’t, it might not matter so long as publishers believe it is, and so I maintain accounts because I worry that deleting them hurts my chances of getting book deals.
I feel about it kind of the way I feel about home birth — not an option for me (medically) but I SO wish I could do it.
Anyone else an author or work in publishing and can shed light on this aka give me permission to abandon ship??
Thank you for reading Samantha! If you scroll up to the reply I gave Maggie, this is sort of where I land on these things. And if it helps, I do have aspirations to write a book (working on it!) and have talked to at least one publisher who would be interested. So I just truly don't think you need social media. And in any case, in my own personal discernment, social media was just so toxic to me personally it made my writing worse (and well, everything worse) that selling more books just didn't matter to me at a certain point.