I’ve been having a similar conversation with myself. Because when it comes down to it I’m just BAD at moderating on a flashy thing that sits in my hand. Sigh. I’m home more often than not so if I needed to access apps I can do it off the iPad. I would really miss the voice messaging apps, because that’s how I communicate with a few close friends. But then sometimes I feel pressure from those same apps to be more available than I am.
I thought that I was going to feel so much better when I got off IG, and instead I just feel more and more frustrated by myself and my limited capacity and my own lack of limits. Also; this may be a study of n-1 but I find that my impulse control around my phone is horrible when I’m sleep deprived and wandering around the house with a baby in a carrier. I often “escape” these moments with distraction, but I wonder if it’s making me feel worse. It used to sort of work but with more kids who then talk to me while I’m distracted AND the baby is on me. Yea. The sensory overload is pretty intense. I stayed off Substack for a month and I love being back to writing but am still bad at moderation. I’ve been putting off listening to the Autumn Kern episode about switching to a dumb phone because I then have to be responsible for the information. Mostly I am feeling discouraged by how malformed I seem to be and how hard it is to get better patterns going and how being tired (so tired) makes me more dopamine seek-y.
"more available than I am" - yep!! I loved WhatsApp etc for being in touch but I also should probably acknowledge the season of life I'm in and that I only have so much mental/physical energy.. I simply cannot be available to all people all the time. I feel like if I had 'allotted' time for catch ups on a desktop - even if it was once a week - I would feel more engaged/refreshed by that than the half conversations I have while caring for little children (who I then am less focused on as a result as well - not good!)
totally understand and relate to the sleep deprivation and need for dopamine hits. It's hard! But I really do think 'its not you its me' applies for so much of this - it's the phone, it's not us. I'm sure most people feel fragmented, distracted, etc, but most of us are too addicted to acknowledge it. I think social media-less life forces you to confront how much of a bigger problem it is - when you have Instagram you can just blame Instagram. But it's bigger than that (though its a big part).
I feel all this! It's been a work in progress for me. Still always, always, trying to figure out the right balance, and it feels like more effort than it should sometimes. When I switched to a dumb phone, I told myself I would still use Marco Polo on my smart phone, when I had the time. It's kept in a cabinet on OFF. Well, I am woefully behind on Marco Polo messages, and I think you hit the nail on the head. I have 5 kids and life is insane. I am trying to be more available than I actually am, and that is a problem. There's been freedom in acknowledging that, but it doesn't solve the problem of needing to figure out how to keep up with people we love but not overextend ourselves. Anyway, just, solidarity!
Your description of not having a smartphone took me like back to 1998 -- you got mail era-- and it felt-- RIGHT. Like you said, we have our computers with everything we could possibly need, is it really necessary to be connected to all of the time? I think not.
I’ve been finding more peace in trying to step away more, but it truly is hard in our culture, like the schools apps and whatnot! We are constantly being told we “need” to be plugged into these smartphones, but I’m not buying it, our mental health is the price we pay, and personally, it is not worth it.
(( I also say all of this as I type in my phone .. I clearly, could do better!))!
I just don't understand how it can be a requirement to have a 1000 dollar computer for a phone... I know the world wants us to think it's vital - and maybe it is, I don't know - but just on principle I get really rubbed the wrong way by the idea that I HAVE to have one. It should be a choice!
The school thing, man can I relate! I have two daughters in two different schools which means two times the amount of texts and emails and whatnot. Having email on my phone drives me crazy at times but it seems like there’s nothing for it when that’s how the school works. There has to be a better way, but I’m not sure what that is 🤔
Yess! A friend of mine was also venting to me the other day that a class for one of her kids does a private Instagram thing too! She’s like I’m trying to stay away from this app.. it’s nuts .. it’s like the world automatically assumes you are/want/need to be on all of this. It’s a culture “issue” at this point I think! We have to just do our best to have our own boundaries with things.. but it truly is hard!
Light Phone is another option that is very similar to Wisephone (an added bonus is the e-ink screen as opposed to LCD). I appreciate all of the writers and mothers who are questioning tech right alongside me -- I had the thought this week that I might never need to teach my kids to drive a car. I read an article that stated all cars will be self-driving by 2035 and it put the thought in my brain.
I looked into the Light Phone too - from user reviews it sounds a bit more glitchy but the e-ink screen sounds great! I hope there will be more and more 'dumb phone' options as the market grows (which it will and is).
I'm perpetually skeptical of self-driving cars - the ones that exist don't work well and I feel like the lawsuits waiting to happen from the inevitable tech glitches will stall this technology. But we'll see! People like to think we're still zooming toward a Jetsons life, but I'm doubtful. The tech we have now has already been so ruinous - I'm hoping we take bigger steps 'backward'
Just a practical suggestion: my husband has a second phone that he uses for things like the app our kids’ school uses to communicate with us, WhatsApp, some other things. For him it’s a security concern (he works in tech security so he’s very cautious about this stuff haha), but he uses that second phone entirely as a tool - he doesn’t carry it around in the way that most people do with their smart phones, he just uses it when it’s actually needed. It’s not a totally perfect or neat solution but it works.
Oh I like this idea! Of course I'd have to justify the payments... But I suppose if both my husband and I had dumb phones and then had one shared smartphone the cost would even out. That would solve a lot of practical concerns because The world certainly runs on the assumption of owning a smartphone.I think it's really just the constant availability
Another reason for me to get a functional laptop, or at least ipad keyboard haha
I did, as recently as 2016 and 2017, go on European trips without a working smartphone. (Maybe my penchant for neglecting or breaking all my devices is a saving grace?) I had so many adventures! Unfortunately, Europe was two years ahead of the US technologically, so a few things were actually impossible to do without a smartphone. I’m guessing that’s more widespread now, especially post COVID.
Yes it's true - I sometimes wonder if I'm just mourning a lost time that can't be brought back. The world has left analog behind. Am I just being dumb trying to live more analog in a smartphone world? I don't know. We'll see!
I can’t remember who I heard saying this, but it is so true: Technological “progress” is not inevitable. And the messaging that it is, and that you have to get on board, is mostly from big tech companies.
Good point. I think we all feel like "well this is just the way it is" but... is it? Or does it have to be? All of this only exists because we keep buying it...
I always think of CS Lewis who said that sometimes the biggest sign of progress is knowing when to turn around.
My husband has had a dumb phone for a few years now and not having a GPS has been a problem a few times 😂 but truly, he feels it’s been worth it…I’ve been considering pulling the plug too. Maybe the fact that I’m oscillating so much is an indication that I should. This piece definitely gave me more to think about.
I believe it! I need GPS! haha but I'm sure he's maybe met a few people asking for directions :) The fact that Wisephone II has Maps was a major selling point for me!
The flip phone I use (Sunbeam Wireless) has GPS navigation! We also bought a cheap GPS for the car-- easy to find them nowadays. I definitely feel like I need navigation, especially with my kids in the car. That's kind of a non-negotiable for me currently.
Love this! Thanks for writing it! I made the dumb phone switch in May, and I will not go back. As a mom of 5 (about to pop with 6) I can agree that there can certainly be some inconveniences, but I have found them to be almost freeing in a way. For example, my older two kids go to a Charlotte Mason cottage school three days a week, and I have to wait until I am on my laptop to check the BAND app, which is how they post pics and info. Or when I pick up groceries (though my husband and I have started really trying to shop in-person most of the time), I have to call the number to have someone bring them out, rather then use the app. Honestly, though, these types of things are nothing compared to the freedom of not trying to fight the allure of the internet beckoning me at all times. Because do I really need to check my kids' school app more than a couple times a day, at most? No, I don't. But I probably would if I had it in my pocket. Anyway, give it a try!
On another note, I think Wisephone is compatible with US Mobile, which uses Verizon's network. Not sure if that helps at all.
I loved this post! It really made me think about the ease of disconnection when you have "the world at your fingertips." Thank you for pointing us toward reconnection!
Sorry, no. I get your premise but there’s no way I would travel phone-less, even domestically. I traveled to Portugal AND Brazil without one, but that was in the 90s. Even with all your stories, the luck, that’s still far too many experiences of being a stranger in a strange land (at night even!) for me. My anxiety would NEVER let me enjoy a trip like that.
Note: I not tethered to my phone and have notifications turned off. I think I have a good ‘relationship’ with it. Chucking it just to be more present? I don’t need that. I understand others do.
I’ve been having a similar conversation with myself. Because when it comes down to it I’m just BAD at moderating on a flashy thing that sits in my hand. Sigh. I’m home more often than not so if I needed to access apps I can do it off the iPad. I would really miss the voice messaging apps, because that’s how I communicate with a few close friends. But then sometimes I feel pressure from those same apps to be more available than I am.
I thought that I was going to feel so much better when I got off IG, and instead I just feel more and more frustrated by myself and my limited capacity and my own lack of limits. Also; this may be a study of n-1 but I find that my impulse control around my phone is horrible when I’m sleep deprived and wandering around the house with a baby in a carrier. I often “escape” these moments with distraction, but I wonder if it’s making me feel worse. It used to sort of work but with more kids who then talk to me while I’m distracted AND the baby is on me. Yea. The sensory overload is pretty intense. I stayed off Substack for a month and I love being back to writing but am still bad at moderation. I’ve been putting off listening to the Autumn Kern episode about switching to a dumb phone because I then have to be responsible for the information. Mostly I am feeling discouraged by how malformed I seem to be and how hard it is to get better patterns going and how being tired (so tired) makes me more dopamine seek-y.
"more available than I am" - yep!! I loved WhatsApp etc for being in touch but I also should probably acknowledge the season of life I'm in and that I only have so much mental/physical energy.. I simply cannot be available to all people all the time. I feel like if I had 'allotted' time for catch ups on a desktop - even if it was once a week - I would feel more engaged/refreshed by that than the half conversations I have while caring for little children (who I then am less focused on as a result as well - not good!)
totally understand and relate to the sleep deprivation and need for dopamine hits. It's hard! But I really do think 'its not you its me' applies for so much of this - it's the phone, it's not us. I'm sure most people feel fragmented, distracted, etc, but most of us are too addicted to acknowledge it. I think social media-less life forces you to confront how much of a bigger problem it is - when you have Instagram you can just blame Instagram. But it's bigger than that (though its a big part).
Anyway - solidarity!!
I feel all this! It's been a work in progress for me. Still always, always, trying to figure out the right balance, and it feels like more effort than it should sometimes. When I switched to a dumb phone, I told myself I would still use Marco Polo on my smart phone, when I had the time. It's kept in a cabinet on OFF. Well, I am woefully behind on Marco Polo messages, and I think you hit the nail on the head. I have 5 kids and life is insane. I am trying to be more available than I actually am, and that is a problem. There's been freedom in acknowledging that, but it doesn't solve the problem of needing to figure out how to keep up with people we love but not overextend ourselves. Anyway, just, solidarity!
Your description of not having a smartphone took me like back to 1998 -- you got mail era-- and it felt-- RIGHT. Like you said, we have our computers with everything we could possibly need, is it really necessary to be connected to all of the time? I think not.
I’ve been finding more peace in trying to step away more, but it truly is hard in our culture, like the schools apps and whatnot! We are constantly being told we “need” to be plugged into these smartphones, but I’m not buying it, our mental health is the price we pay, and personally, it is not worth it.
(( I also say all of this as I type in my phone .. I clearly, could do better!))!
I just don't understand how it can be a requirement to have a 1000 dollar computer for a phone... I know the world wants us to think it's vital - and maybe it is, I don't know - but just on principle I get really rubbed the wrong way by the idea that I HAVE to have one. It should be a choice!
I complain about this all of the time! It does not feel optional!
The school thing, man can I relate! I have two daughters in two different schools which means two times the amount of texts and emails and whatnot. Having email on my phone drives me crazy at times but it seems like there’s nothing for it when that’s how the school works. There has to be a better way, but I’m not sure what that is 🤔
Yess! A friend of mine was also venting to me the other day that a class for one of her kids does a private Instagram thing too! She’s like I’m trying to stay away from this app.. it’s nuts .. it’s like the world automatically assumes you are/want/need to be on all of this. It’s a culture “issue” at this point I think! We have to just do our best to have our own boundaries with things.. but it truly is hard!
Light Phone is another option that is very similar to Wisephone (an added bonus is the e-ink screen as opposed to LCD). I appreciate all of the writers and mothers who are questioning tech right alongside me -- I had the thought this week that I might never need to teach my kids to drive a car. I read an article that stated all cars will be self-driving by 2035 and it put the thought in my brain.
I looked into the Light Phone too - from user reviews it sounds a bit more glitchy but the e-ink screen sounds great! I hope there will be more and more 'dumb phone' options as the market grows (which it will and is).
I'm perpetually skeptical of self-driving cars - the ones that exist don't work well and I feel like the lawsuits waiting to happen from the inevitable tech glitches will stall this technology. But we'll see! People like to think we're still zooming toward a Jetsons life, but I'm doubtful. The tech we have now has already been so ruinous - I'm hoping we take bigger steps 'backward'
Fun fact: we were in Ireland at the same time and didn’t know it. 😆
🙌 we've always been connected 🥰
Just a practical suggestion: my husband has a second phone that he uses for things like the app our kids’ school uses to communicate with us, WhatsApp, some other things. For him it’s a security concern (he works in tech security so he’s very cautious about this stuff haha), but he uses that second phone entirely as a tool - he doesn’t carry it around in the way that most people do with their smart phones, he just uses it when it’s actually needed. It’s not a totally perfect or neat solution but it works.
Oh I like this idea! Of course I'd have to justify the payments... But I suppose if both my husband and I had dumb phones and then had one shared smartphone the cost would even out. That would solve a lot of practical concerns because The world certainly runs on the assumption of owning a smartphone.I think it's really just the constant availability
Another reason for me to get a functional laptop, or at least ipad keyboard haha
I did, as recently as 2016 and 2017, go on European trips without a working smartphone. (Maybe my penchant for neglecting or breaking all my devices is a saving grace?) I had so many adventures! Unfortunately, Europe was two years ahead of the US technologically, so a few things were actually impossible to do without a smartphone. I’m guessing that’s more widespread now, especially post COVID.
Yes it's true - I sometimes wonder if I'm just mourning a lost time that can't be brought back. The world has left analog behind. Am I just being dumb trying to live more analog in a smartphone world? I don't know. We'll see!
I can’t remember who I heard saying this, but it is so true: Technological “progress” is not inevitable. And the messaging that it is, and that you have to get on board, is mostly from big tech companies.
Good point. I think we all feel like "well this is just the way it is" but... is it? Or does it have to be? All of this only exists because we keep buying it...
I always think of CS Lewis who said that sometimes the biggest sign of progress is knowing when to turn around.
My husband has had a dumb phone for a few years now and not having a GPS has been a problem a few times 😂 but truly, he feels it’s been worth it…I’ve been considering pulling the plug too. Maybe the fact that I’m oscillating so much is an indication that I should. This piece definitely gave me more to think about.
I believe it! I need GPS! haha but I'm sure he's maybe met a few people asking for directions :) The fact that Wisephone II has Maps was a major selling point for me!
The flip phone I use (Sunbeam Wireless) has GPS navigation! We also bought a cheap GPS for the car-- easy to find them nowadays. I definitely feel like I need navigation, especially with my kids in the car. That's kind of a non-negotiable for me currently.
Love this! Thanks for writing it! I made the dumb phone switch in May, and I will not go back. As a mom of 5 (about to pop with 6) I can agree that there can certainly be some inconveniences, but I have found them to be almost freeing in a way. For example, my older two kids go to a Charlotte Mason cottage school three days a week, and I have to wait until I am on my laptop to check the BAND app, which is how they post pics and info. Or when I pick up groceries (though my husband and I have started really trying to shop in-person most of the time), I have to call the number to have someone bring them out, rather then use the app. Honestly, though, these types of things are nothing compared to the freedom of not trying to fight the allure of the internet beckoning me at all times. Because do I really need to check my kids' school app more than a couple times a day, at most? No, I don't. But I probably would if I had it in my pocket. Anyway, give it a try!
On another note, I think Wisephone is compatible with US Mobile, which uses Verizon's network. Not sure if that helps at all.
I loved this post! It really made me think about the ease of disconnection when you have "the world at your fingertips." Thank you for pointing us toward reconnection!
Sorry, no. I get your premise but there’s no way I would travel phone-less, even domestically. I traveled to Portugal AND Brazil without one, but that was in the 90s. Even with all your stories, the luck, that’s still far too many experiences of being a stranger in a strange land (at night even!) for me. My anxiety would NEVER let me enjoy a trip like that.
Note: I not tethered to my phone and have notifications turned off. I think I have a good ‘relationship’ with it. Chucking it just to be more present? I don’t need that. I understand others do.
I like it for peace of mind. ESPECIALLY the GPS.