This reminds me of a comment I made on Ruth Gaskovski’s substack several months ago. I said, “it doesn’t make much sense to be anachronistic simply to be contrary. Like everything else, we must carefully consider, and then *choose* how we will spend our time.” This won’t look the same for everyone, and that’s a good thing!
Every part of this is so good! I was laughing at all the nuancing we feel the need to do. And, yeah, my newsletter has been one thing keeping me as a person going in the midst of having 3 babies in three years with a couple cross-country moves as a family. I truly have found the consistency and connections over ideas life-giving and I’m so thankful.
I think your words are a very needed take, Katie. I think your callback to Kathleen Kelly brings it all together, too. I got off legacy social media about a year ago, but I’m still online everyday. I even joined a writing community membership where I actually pay money each month to participate in online forums. I think, as a generation, we’re finding out we’re willing to pay money or give up other things in order to have a beautiful experience. They should’ve known this about us, given our affinity for fancy overpriced coffee. 😅 But, more and more, scrolling legacy social media feels like wandering bleary-eyed through a fluorescent-lit Walmart. Instagram used to be a respite from that but, in my view, the endless blasts of video clips are now worse than FB. We’re looking for a “fancy overpriced coffee” experience online and Substack is one of the few platforms that provide that experience currently. Thanks for sharing this, erm, nuanced take. Ha. I think it’s a great take!
Thank you Heather! I totally agree. I personally find being active on Substack and other like-minded online communities to be an entirely different experience than Instagram/Facebook. I am completely willing to pay for that, yes! I am sort of hopeful in a way that as the rest of the internet implodes there will be these little pockets of cultivated civility and art and writing for us to rest in. Thank you for reading!
I’m so grateful for this essay. Lately I’ve found myself imbibing a lot of tech-lite stuff- all good!- and wondering if I’m maybe not doing it well enough in my own life. But I have a different set of challenges and temperament, etc etc that has to be considered, and sometimes it’s easy to forget that or chalk it up to excuse-making when in fact it’s just reality.
What type of business did you start? (If you want to share of course.) I started working almost full time writing but not Substack type writing. I really miss my time writing more personal stuff, but by the time I’m done doing the writing that pays the bills, I’m too exhausted. I love love love this form of writing. Back when it was blogs, it was THE instrumental factor in healing my ppd and in improving my anxiety. Any time we share honestly is good I think. My problem is I get stuck in the mire with scrolling. I think I’m going to limit myself to one Substack essay a day. Despite degrees in advertising and marketing (and an MA in English,) for the life of me I can’t market myself online - probably bc I hated advertising and left the industry after a year because it felt icky 😂 I was VERY against social media and the internet in general for the past two months bc I see how internet culture is gutting teenage girls (even those without social media) from the inside. That’s not the internet’s problem, but is influenced by the high targeting of curated content and I wanted nothing to do with it. I’m starting to soften though. But when people you love are suffering, I think you sometimes need something to hate and rage against.
Wow that was a poorly organized and rambling paragraph essentially about… nothing haha.
I think you're right Amanda that the scrolling is the issue (which is why I still have incredibly mixed feelings about Notes). Being intentional in what we read (and how much we read) here on Substack or any online space is absolutely key I think. But once we put in those barriers for ourselves, we can go ahead and enjoy it! I also absolutely hear you on the teenage girls and social media issue. I worry a lot for the landscape my own girls will have to navigate (middle school is tough enough without TikTok in my opinion!). I am really rooting for a lot more regulation of these social media and big tech companies, but of course it is also up to us to safeguard our families and put in the right rules for us. So yes, just to say, I totally see the reasons for rage and distrust and all those things (and I feel them, too!)
Per the business - we started an audio consulting business, primarily for non-profits, museums, and cultural institutions. A former colleague of mine connected me with someone who was moving to a different career and had a number of clients to offload so I took the opportunity to take on the work and also expand to create our own client base. It's very interesting and I'm enjoying it!
Good luck with the business! It sounds great. My husband and I both work from home (him about 90% of the time,) and it’s been so nice. Now that the kids are in school, it’s nice to have hours each day just us even though we are both working in different rooms and sometimes annoying each other 😂
i’ve been thinking a lot about how much i’d love to get rid of my smartphone. But as I was doing my taxes tonight, I realised how much harder my life would be. So i feel validated someone as cool as you also relies on a smartphone! ❤️
But also, I accidentally left my smartphone at home last week and it was sooo freeing! So maybe the happy medium is that I keep it but I just need to get used to not having it as an extra limb.
Yes, it's true, there are many things that are made objectively easier/faster because of the phone! And if its something tedious like taxes I'm grateful to be able to do that quickly and move on to more enjoyable things :) I also leave my phone at home for walks or small outings and it's lovely. I think that's exactly key - get back to using at as a tool not 'an extra limb' !
I’ve realized that for me it’s important to prove to myself regularly that I can go without it or ignore it, and as long as I can do that, I’m in a good place. (Walks without it, or leaving it upstairs for several hours, etc, all count for me proving it to myself. I think everyone will have their own “proof”.)
I'm pretty old so I remember the raw courage it took to hold strong opinions in the real world. But most of the time people were fairly tolerant and forgiving of even crazy opinions--until I got to NYU at the beginning of the PC crusade. The bullying done to the boys who didn't hold the right beliefs and dared question the group think were bullied harshly. Then I spent time with embittered, Ivy League socialist farmers (I worked for more than one) who had complete contempt for anyone not into their social engineering, utopian ideals. I love nuance too. It's why I love history. But most people seek security in following someone. There is a danger I see on Substack of making gods of anti-tech thought leaders.
I think that's a good point Adrienne - that we're 'seeking security' in following thought leaders online - and the more one dimensional the take, the more 'secure' we feel. I can see how your experiences would bring you face to face with the need for nuance... Difficult to find and achieve, but so important to strive for.
This piece couldn't have come at a better time for me, thank you so much for articulating what I have been wrestling with -- I want to live in the nuance, between life offline and online. I want my garden, my craft studio, my books...but I also want online literary journals and conversations with long distance friends and watching cheesy music videos with my nine year old. I've noticed how the discourse has become very black & white around this, too. And I'm so glad that I'm not alone in feeling that the internet can be, and often is, amazing.
Absolutely Katy. I 'want it all' too! I think it's okay to acknowledge the good things and then also put down our phones and spend the afternoon in the garden. Having a screen or enjoying things on the internet is not in and of itself bad at all - and in fact can be wonderfully edifying.
Ah the nuancing we all feel like we need to do... You're so right! This isn't something we've always done as humans 🙈 and I do enjoy some corners of the Internet so this was a good read. Especially the paragraph about why a mum might really enjoy writing/sharing here as adult contact.
A big ol’ fist bump to you for this entire piece. Especially this statement (which could be the motto for my entire life): “It’s amazing what can pass as ‘right’ when said with bullish confidence.” 🙃 Cheers to us, the slowly-being-transformed-perfectionists.
This reminds me of a comment I made on Ruth Gaskovski’s substack several months ago. I said, “it doesn’t make much sense to be anachronistic simply to be contrary. Like everything else, we must carefully consider, and then *choose* how we will spend our time.” This won’t look the same for everyone, and that’s a good thing!
Absolutely Shannon. I am such a contrarian I constantly need to check my motivations and make sure I'm really doing what's right for me/my family.
Every part of this is so good! I was laughing at all the nuancing we feel the need to do. And, yeah, my newsletter has been one thing keeping me as a person going in the midst of having 3 babies in three years with a couple cross-country moves as a family. I truly have found the consistency and connections over ideas life-giving and I’m so thankful.
It's just true isn't it 😂😂 and yes! This season of little kids, so many hours nap trapped, I'm endlessly thankful for my online communities!!
The nuancing had me laughing too 😆
I think your words are a very needed take, Katie. I think your callback to Kathleen Kelly brings it all together, too. I got off legacy social media about a year ago, but I’m still online everyday. I even joined a writing community membership where I actually pay money each month to participate in online forums. I think, as a generation, we’re finding out we’re willing to pay money or give up other things in order to have a beautiful experience. They should’ve known this about us, given our affinity for fancy overpriced coffee. 😅 But, more and more, scrolling legacy social media feels like wandering bleary-eyed through a fluorescent-lit Walmart. Instagram used to be a respite from that but, in my view, the endless blasts of video clips are now worse than FB. We’re looking for a “fancy overpriced coffee” experience online and Substack is one of the few platforms that provide that experience currently. Thanks for sharing this, erm, nuanced take. Ha. I think it’s a great take!
Thank you Heather! I totally agree. I personally find being active on Substack and other like-minded online communities to be an entirely different experience than Instagram/Facebook. I am completely willing to pay for that, yes! I am sort of hopeful in a way that as the rest of the internet implodes there will be these little pockets of cultivated civility and art and writing for us to rest in. Thank you for reading!
I’m so grateful for this essay. Lately I’ve found myself imbibing a lot of tech-lite stuff- all good!- and wondering if I’m maybe not doing it well enough in my own life. But I have a different set of challenges and temperament, etc etc that has to be considered, and sometimes it’s easy to forget that or chalk it up to excuse-making when in fact it’s just reality.
Thank you Kerri - yes we're all so different, it's really hard to make sweeping advice in this area! (and why we probably shouldn't!)
What type of business did you start? (If you want to share of course.) I started working almost full time writing but not Substack type writing. I really miss my time writing more personal stuff, but by the time I’m done doing the writing that pays the bills, I’m too exhausted. I love love love this form of writing. Back when it was blogs, it was THE instrumental factor in healing my ppd and in improving my anxiety. Any time we share honestly is good I think. My problem is I get stuck in the mire with scrolling. I think I’m going to limit myself to one Substack essay a day. Despite degrees in advertising and marketing (and an MA in English,) for the life of me I can’t market myself online - probably bc I hated advertising and left the industry after a year because it felt icky 😂 I was VERY against social media and the internet in general for the past two months bc I see how internet culture is gutting teenage girls (even those without social media) from the inside. That’s not the internet’s problem, but is influenced by the high targeting of curated content and I wanted nothing to do with it. I’m starting to soften though. But when people you love are suffering, I think you sometimes need something to hate and rage against.
Wow that was a poorly organized and rambling paragraph essentially about… nothing haha.
I think you're right Amanda that the scrolling is the issue (which is why I still have incredibly mixed feelings about Notes). Being intentional in what we read (and how much we read) here on Substack or any online space is absolutely key I think. But once we put in those barriers for ourselves, we can go ahead and enjoy it! I also absolutely hear you on the teenage girls and social media issue. I worry a lot for the landscape my own girls will have to navigate (middle school is tough enough without TikTok in my opinion!). I am really rooting for a lot more regulation of these social media and big tech companies, but of course it is also up to us to safeguard our families and put in the right rules for us. So yes, just to say, I totally see the reasons for rage and distrust and all those things (and I feel them, too!)
Per the business - we started an audio consulting business, primarily for non-profits, museums, and cultural institutions. A former colleague of mine connected me with someone who was moving to a different career and had a number of clients to offload so I took the opportunity to take on the work and also expand to create our own client base. It's very interesting and I'm enjoying it!
Good luck with the business! It sounds great. My husband and I both work from home (him about 90% of the time,) and it’s been so nice. Now that the kids are in school, it’s nice to have hours each day just us even though we are both working in different rooms and sometimes annoying each other 😂
Love this!! A good word of balance
Thank you Grace! And three cheers for Substack got introducing me to you and your wonderful writing :)
I am so glad that I found you too!
i’ve been thinking a lot about how much i’d love to get rid of my smartphone. But as I was doing my taxes tonight, I realised how much harder my life would be. So i feel validated someone as cool as you also relies on a smartphone! ❤️
But also, I accidentally left my smartphone at home last week and it was sooo freeing! So maybe the happy medium is that I keep it but I just need to get used to not having it as an extra limb.
Yes, it's true, there are many things that are made objectively easier/faster because of the phone! And if its something tedious like taxes I'm grateful to be able to do that quickly and move on to more enjoyable things :) I also leave my phone at home for walks or small outings and it's lovely. I think that's exactly key - get back to using at as a tool not 'an extra limb' !
I’ve realized that for me it’s important to prove to myself regularly that I can go without it or ignore it, and as long as I can do that, I’m in a good place. (Walks without it, or leaving it upstairs for several hours, etc, all count for me proving it to myself. I think everyone will have their own “proof”.)
I'm pretty old so I remember the raw courage it took to hold strong opinions in the real world. But most of the time people were fairly tolerant and forgiving of even crazy opinions--until I got to NYU at the beginning of the PC crusade. The bullying done to the boys who didn't hold the right beliefs and dared question the group think were bullied harshly. Then I spent time with embittered, Ivy League socialist farmers (I worked for more than one) who had complete contempt for anyone not into their social engineering, utopian ideals. I love nuance too. It's why I love history. But most people seek security in following someone. There is a danger I see on Substack of making gods of anti-tech thought leaders.
I think that's a good point Adrienne - that we're 'seeking security' in following thought leaders online - and the more one dimensional the take, the more 'secure' we feel. I can see how your experiences would bring you face to face with the need for nuance... Difficult to find and achieve, but so important to strive for.
This piece couldn't have come at a better time for me, thank you so much for articulating what I have been wrestling with -- I want to live in the nuance, between life offline and online. I want my garden, my craft studio, my books...but I also want online literary journals and conversations with long distance friends and watching cheesy music videos with my nine year old. I've noticed how the discourse has become very black & white around this, too. And I'm so glad that I'm not alone in feeling that the internet can be, and often is, amazing.
Absolutely Katy. I 'want it all' too! I think it's okay to acknowledge the good things and then also put down our phones and spend the afternoon in the garden. Having a screen or enjoying things on the internet is not in and of itself bad at all - and in fact can be wonderfully edifying.
Ah the nuancing we all feel like we need to do... You're so right! This isn't something we've always done as humans 🙈 and I do enjoy some corners of the Internet so this was a good read. Especially the paragraph about why a mum might really enjoy writing/sharing here as adult contact.
Thank you so much for reading Kym! Absolutely some of these corners of the internet really are lovely places to be, especially for busy/tired moms!
A big ol’ fist bump to you for this entire piece. Especially this statement (which could be the motto for my entire life): “It’s amazing what can pass as ‘right’ when said with bullish confidence.” 🙃 Cheers to us, the slowly-being-transformed-perfectionists.
Thank you Wendi! Solidarity! :)