monthly musings vol. 13
is it good to exist? spring, archetypes, the universal, and the courage to rejoice
Hi, I’m Katie, a writer and podcaster and I believe that literature, art, beauty, theology, and wonder are worth our time and attention. This essay is free for you to read, but took time and research to write - consider upgrading to a paid subscription to support the work I do.
It is that strange, beautiful time of year when we wake to either frost or songbirds. Spring arrives in bursts of explosive sunny days, followed by stunning, shocking frost. The daffodils shrug, droop, embarrassed by their overeager displays. I wilt a little, too, sheepishly putting the skirts and sandals back in the closet.
This time of year is now also imbued with a dreamlike quality in the intensity of its associated memories. My first daughter turned three this month. And so March will always be the time of bursting forsythia and sunny, milk stained mornings, tears of gratitude, tears of overwhelm - a mother robin building her nest on my window ledge as I held my newborn in my arms - crows cawing, hawks crying.
Raw and cold, warm and beautiful, March and all its contradictions is now all tied up in the many contradictions, the joy and the almost painful sadness, anticipatory and real, imagined and feared, of motherhood.
And add into all this emotional overwhelm, Lent. and now, Holy Week. This past weekend on Palm Sunday, as the triumphal organ announced Christ’s entrance into Jerusalem, I had the feeling I do almost every time this year, I don’t deserve this. Lent never goes the way it should, really. But, also like every year, I find myself in a state of such genuine longing for Hallelujah, for Resurrection and Restitution, restoration. I want the drapes down from the crosses, I want the choir singing. I want Easter morning and all its promises. No, I need them. The wisdom of the liturgical year, in all its rhythm and repetition, reminds us of these very real needs.
I was very struck this year by the poetry of Palm Sunday - a service that starts in triumphant glory, palms waving as Jesus enters the city, a hailed King, and ends with this same crowd shouting Crucify him! Fickle and dangerous hearts. I was also struck by the symmetry of Christ’s life - of the babe wrapped in swaddling cloths now wrapped in the linen cloth for burial - the same symmetry that comes for us all.
We live in the in-between, the gap between birth and death, the in-between state of a fallen world waiting for final redemption. I thought of that terrifying in-between - those three days before Christ was risen. I thought of what faith it would take - heroic, impossible faith - to believe what had been said, that on the third day He will rise again. In the meantime, darkness, death - practical, immoveable, real.
What strength it takes to live (and hope) in the in-between.
But enough lamenting, if lamenting is what I am doing! Perhaps just philosophizing or staying true to the title of this series - musing. Truly this the time for rejoicing, or at least it nearly is. I thought of rejoicing and all that means on the occasion of my daughter’s birthday, a day that had me truly delighting in this beautiful and unique and utterly wonderful human being. I could tell you a thousand and one things about her and it still wouldn’t really get to the heart of who she is. Wonderfully, she is so much more than anything that could be dreamt up, or written up, in my philosophy.1
But really, what I’m trying to say is not something specific about my own child, but about children, and really about all of us, and it is this - It is good to exist!
As
pointed out in her excellent review of Timothy P. Carney’s new book, Family Unfriendly: How Our Culture Made Raising Kids Much Harder Than It Needs to Be -“our society does not have enough children because it does not believe that having children is good—because, in turn, it does not believe that people are good. We have lost our connection with the fundamental principle that life, and thus the creation of more life, is of positive moral and emotional value.”
This is a very real phenomena that I have witnessed in my own social circles.2 There is climate change and war and rising anxiety and depression and so many cycles of hurt and disappointment and loss - why bring a child into all of that?
But you don’t hear many people talk about the gentleness of a parent’s touch or the thrill of falling in love or the beauty of a sunrise or a hike with the dog or the spray of the sea or a shared glass of wine with an old friend. You don’t hear about the scientific miracles or the diseases cured or the friends made or the prayers prayed or the acts of kindness or the way it feels to hold someone’s hand.
I have a theory about all this and it deserves its own essay someday, but I think it comes down to the fact that Joy is very hard to talk about. It is hard to talk about without cliches or sentimentality. Joy is also all about the universal - there is something of the individual that is lost in true Happiness.
Think of a wedding. Of course all couple’s weddings are unique, but there is something universal, something that subsumes, even annihilates, the individual participants, until they become simplified, Husband and Wife. In the greatest and most profound moments of life we are bound to lose our identities to grander and older titles, even archetypal ones, - Lover, Wife, Mother, Friend.
And this is the age of the Individual. Who wants archetypes when you can have capital Y ‘Y-O-U’ in all your individual pain and suffering and loss and fear. Sadness is individual, Joy is Universal.
As I say, something to develop later on, but just food for thought, and just a reminder from me that I am glad you were born, I am glad I was born, and I think life is very, very good and worth all of it.
Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI said it better than I could -
“Something I constantly notice is that unembarrassed joy has become rarer. Joy today is increasingly saddled with moral and ideological burdens, so to speak. When someone rejoices, he is afraid of offending against solidarity with the many people who suffer. I don't have any right to rejoice, people think, in a world where there is so much misery, so much injustice.
I can understand that. There is a moral attitude at work here. But this attitude is nonetheless wrong. The loss of joy does not make the world better - and, conversely, refusing joy for the sake of suffering does not help those who suffer. The contrary is true. The world needs people who discover the good, who rejoice in it and thereby derive the impetus and courage to do good. […]
In this sense we have a new need for that primordial trust which ultimately only faith can give. That the world is basically good, that God is there and is good. That it is good to live and to be a human being. This results, then, in the courage to rejoice, which in turn becomes commitment to making sure that other people, too, can rejoice and receive good news.”
The Courage to Rejoice! If that isn’t an Easter message, I don’t know what is.
And now, onto the links - as usual, so much good out there to share -
But first, a break for flowers (striped squill if you were wondering).
“The feminism that drove my identity, beliefs, and actions for years—the one that didn’t teach me anything about the power of my body or the gifts of the feminine—no longer serves me.
I’m not interested in being “anti”-feminism. I’m interested in reclaiming/reshaping the feminist narratives, in order to serve the people it’s always been for: women.”
AMEN!
A fascinating look into Sussanah Darwin and the impact she had on her son, from the always top-notch
“‘Oppenheimer' Composer Thanked Parents for Giving Him Guitars, Not Video Games” from
“Discover Your LOTR Creative Type” from
Tell me which one resonates!
You’ve all read it by now but
just said everything I could have possibly wanted to say (and hear) on this topic. “Would We All be Happier as Tradwives?”On a similar theme (and you’ve probably read this one, too) - “How to be a Homemaker” from
I just really want anyone who has ever had a period of doubt or spiritual dryness to listen to this episode of the Jen Fulwiler show from minute 40 on. So good.
(also just for anyone who has an ‘unemotional’ faith life - like me! I’m a total ‘intellectual/aesthetic’ type when it comes to my faith! This means periods of life where I’m deprived of beautiful liturgy, hours in Adoration, stimulating book clubs, etc. - like, *ahem* when busy with young children - can be rough! Jen said what I needed to hear).
“Why I’m divesting from parenting” from
“You will intensively parent and then be told you are too controlling and that’s why your children have mental health struggles. You will be hands-off and then be told you are permissive and that’s why your children are badly behaved and will probably become criminals or just all-round entitled people (who knows which is worse). You will lower demands only to find that actually the demands on you have tripled. You will demand stuff of your kids only to find that that too, is very demanding of you.
You cannot win because that is the whole point of the Parenting-Industrial complex: it thrives on our insecurity.”
By the way, when in doubt, I blame capitalism.
Thought-provoking read on the village we’re all supposedly longing for and what that would look like in actuality (ie a lot of nosiness and pop ins and a lot less rules for caregivers and babysitters… are we okay with that? we’re not really sure!) from
- (Jonathan Haidt) is coming after smartphones when it comes to kids/teens and I’m all for it.
A topic I’ve been thinking about a lot - “Does Your Online Life Leave You too Depleted for Local Community?” from
- is one of those authors who I was overwhelmed to discover - I just want to read everything he’s written - an environmental activist turned Orthodox Christian wandering the land writing about holy wells and wild saints and the meaning of the soul- if you aren’t subscribed to (you probably are, I think he has 50k+ subscribers, but just in case…), check out his work.
Well there you have it. Plenty to read and lots to ponder. What else can I tell you? I’m listening to the excellent podcast ‘The Rest is History’ 3 while doing laundry and barn work (currently in the series on the Titanic - also really enjoyed their series of episodes on JFK and Cleopatra in particular). I reread The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants after discovering
has a Substack and I was surprisingly, genuinely moved to read about her ongoing friendship with her castmates from the movie. Female friendship can be so beautiful and life giving. Also the book made me cry, so there’s that.We swapped out our TV for a bookcase (but don’t worry I’m still watching plenty of bad period dramas on my laptop, don’t come after me for being above it all). In fact we’ve rearranged the furniture in almost every room in our house and it makes me think every problem can be solved by just a shift in perspective.4 How’s that for a cliche to end on?
Oh and if I didn’t make too much sense here toward the end it’s because I’m about halfway through my hot cup of magnesium drink and really it should have put me to sleep an hour ago. Alas. I think it was the philosopher Mary Midgley, mother of three rambunctious sons, who said that really something had to give, and that something was often sleep. So I stand in solidarity with other late-night philosophizing mothers.
Happy Holy Week - beautiful Easter - and remember Joy - it’s a good thing.
“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give in to it. […] whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.”
Mary Oliver, “Don’t Hesitate”
And while I have you here…
Come to Ireland with me and
in October 2024! Our Lady of Knock, , sheepherding demonstrations, traditional music, High Tea at a castle, St. Patrick’s Holy Mountain, the Rock of Cashel, ancient monasteries, a literary pub crawl… and most importantly, kindred spirits ready to pray, wonder, laugh, and learn together. Let’s buck the trend and do some real-world non-online life adventuring together.
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I will say that she requested dolmas and smoked salmon for her birthday foods just because I think this is a pretty hilarious toddler food request.
I should say that I actually have a Note on my phone to keep track of all the babies due within the next few months! Happily this attitude seems to be fading a bit - let’s hope its a trend, despite all the statistics.
I mean, this psychologist says headstands can relieve anxiety, so this is not out of nowhere.
What a fabulous coffee break this made! Reminded me of the poem:
At lunchtime I bought a huge orange—
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.
And that orange, it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park.
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.
The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all the jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.
— Wendy Cope
From beginning to end, I found myself smiling and thinking “Yes! She nailed it!” Fantastic read and recommendations!