I read (on Instagram lol) someone say that the reason people stay addicted to anything is because there are always good reasons to keep using. If it’s substance abuse, from the outside the reasons are harder to see but if you are the person who is addicted, of course there are reasons to keep using that go beyond physical addiction (how the substance makes you feel, what it makes you forget, the people it connects you to, whatever). There are always going to be good reasons to keep using social media, and if we wait for the day that those reasons go away to stop using it, then we’ll never stop.
I’ve found having IG on my iPad and FB on the laptop only has helped enormously in terms of the amount of time I spend on the apps, and with that sense of uncontrollably checking your phone and scrolling all the time. BUT as you say there’s more to it than that. Kids being the most important one. And btw, I am not someone who plans on keeping their kids tech free - not because I wouldn’t like to but because I would rather be the one to help them learn to use it in a healthy way than for them to leave my home and be “coached” by tech giants and who knows what else by that point.
But I already see the baby tracks my phone with his eyes when it’s in my hands. My kids go and get my phone without me even asking them to because they’ve observed that it’s essentially an extension of my arm.
Like you, I don’t share pictures of my kids with the public but also like you, I have to ask myself why I post pictures of them at all. Sharing with actual friends and family, directly via WhatsApp or whatever, makes sense. But do my friends from high school who I haven’t seen in nearly 15 years need to see my kids growing up? No.
I think I’ll join you in the summer off social, will just take a few days to figure out if there’re any ends to tie up first.
This makes a lot of sense Gina re the addiction aspect. And I am definitely an addict. I ALWAYS found a good reason to stay but I was just never ever able to find the balance in my life... So for me it just had to be a full sign off, at least for this time in my life with small children reflecting back all my habits, good and bad.
I also appreciate that it probably is very important to show our children that there is a healthy way to approach and use technology. I'm skeptical that there are many ways to use social media in a truly healthy way so as I model tech use for my kids I just didn't see how I could incorporate it... And YES to that question of WHY am I sharing this and for who?? I think if I'm honest there was an element of 'showing off' (in the best way possible - every one wants to show off their adorable kids, understandably!) but I can and should share those personal photos with the people who also know and love these kids, not the random acquaintances I've acquired over the years! I mean, how 'private' is it when I'm sharing photos with 300 some followers (a small amount by social media standards but still)?
Anyway, looking forward to continuing to think this through with you... Keep me posted how its going!
It's interesting what you said about addiction, especially in your first paragraph, because anytime I bring up something about leaving social media, there are a few "But, but, but I use it and I'm not addicted and it's just fine for me" comments, and I don't judge. ...But I do wonder if they're as self-aware as they think they are, that perhaps there's more of a dopamine hit-fueled dependence than they realize.
If family is the primary audience, we use the Family Album app as neither my husband nor I is comfortable sharing photos on social media. You invite the folks you want there and there’s still the ability for people to comment if they have something to say. 10/10 and it really helped me feel at peace with getting off of social media before my daughter was born.
I really want to do this but I don’t have a lot of “in person” friends so it’s really been used to substitute community. This really isn’t healthy for me I know. Plus I find myself very irritated with what I see so I know again I should delete. Pray for me please lol. Thanks again for sharing your mind Katie! 💛
I totally understand this Jasmine! I'm really hoping we can build community here on Substack and other areas of the web in lieu of social media. It's a big leap and it's a very personal decision. Keep us posted as you continue to navigate it! Thank you as always for reading! ❤️
"I’m still thinking in “Instagramese” even when I’m not on the app. I’m taking photos and thinking of a caption. I want to live the kind of life that doesn’t have captions, or hashtags, or a like count."
Yes, yes, YES. This whole thing is so good. If you're like me, you'll surprise yourself with how much better you'll feel, which makes IG seem so much sillier than it has in a long time. Well done!
When I got to the part about your daughter repeating the phrase "I'm obnoxious", my gut dropped. I have been slowly peeling back from social media because I realized it makes me a more negative person. It impacts how I interact with others. I don't think I noticed it as clearly until I had my son who is now picking up a ton of language. I think Instagram is too heavy an emotional load to carry on top of being my best self, present in my vocation.
It's so tough, Katie - our kids can be very raw reflections for us sometimes. And truly we're just like them. We imitate what we see and hear - and so much of social media is negative, inflammatory, self aggrandizing, etc. Oof.
I erased myself from Facebook after 10 years of use — I’ll be five years free this august 🦾
The biggest positive impact (and there are many) was just getting my *brain* back: not thinking like that anymore, owning my own mind and time, and my experiences with friends and family
I live far from many loved ones, but I learned that leaning on social media actually *prevents* you from making new, meaningful relationships. Now that I’m untethered, I see it from the other side: fledgling friendships are vulnerable, and social media is like a lawnmower, cutting down everything tender and alive to make its straight lines and doomy scrolls.
And the world is so rich and beautiful and For You! (not for the feed!) 😇
If anyone is looking for excellent, fulfilling reading: Jenny Odell’s How To Do Nothing and Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus are both really great books!! 🌺
I've been pondering this exact point recently social media preventing me from creating new real world friendships.
I realised last year I was listening to podcasts so I could listen to others have interesting conversations I was unable to have myself & have been yearning for.
Watching The Social Dilema in January helped, but getting off is going to be the decisive move.
Feeling connected via the internet vs real life are 2 different things.
I found you via Annelise (whom I found via Tsh Oxenreider) and just want to say HELL YES to all of this. I wrote about my own quitting journey a few months back and it’s very similar to yours. My nine-year-old, whose face I had stopped posting publicly when she was two, told me last year before I quit that I could post her face if I wanted to. I said no and she complained because she thought I was being overprotective. I laughed and said, “You’ll thank me one day.” I think your kids will do the same ❤️.
Wendi, I just went and read your post! Amazing! Thank you for sharing. So glad you found your way here. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I resonated with everything you wrote as well!
P.S. I, too, am obsessed with Scotland. My maiden name is Barclay and my family is from Glasgow. My husband and I spent two full weeks there a few years ago and it felt like coming home. So, I guess what I’m saying is solidarity, sister 👊🏻.
I love that! My sister and I did a coast to coast horseback ride across the Highlands and it was unreal... I've been a few other times and I always think one of these days I'm just not coming back :) I'm Irish by blood and Scottish at heart. Wonderful to meet another kindred spirit!
Hi, Katie! I'm a new follower, and this post is the final straw for me and Facebook. (Woohoo!) I got rid of Instagram a couple months ago and it - surprisingly - wasn't all that hard . . . but then I realized it was because I have Facebook to scroll instead. (Womp.) Everything you wrote rings true. Thank you. I actually don't want the app anymore. The excuses (Facebook Marketplace) held me tied to the app, but the cons way outweight the pros. Excited to shed what feels like a weight in my life!
Welcome Mary - and congrats! If you're anything like me you're just going to feel so immensely relieved. I never signed back on since I wrote this post, and it was absolutely the right choice! (I have survived and even thrifted and bought things sans marketplace. You'll be fine!)
So much of what you wrote really resonated with me. I haven't quite been able to cut the cord with Facebook, but I stopped posting three years ago. I STLL, three post-free years later, find myself as you put it, "thinking in the app", and still think of things I could put online if I was going to and how I would word it. I definitely felt a responsibility to entertain everyone - my online persona was the class clown. It was fun when FB was lighter and less political, but things started getting more intense during the back half of the 2010's, and by 2020 I was done. I unfriended at least half my friend list and haven't posted since. Lately I've been going on once daily and have been giving the occasional like or reply to a post, but I am still considering deleting it. What is keeping me on is that my friends live all over the world, and I use messenger for group chats.
Good for you Michelle! I agree everything got so tense and political. Even during times when I wasn't posting as much I was still so stressed out by signing on. It was a lot to be taking in. A lot of times I was so surprised by how people conducted themselves online. They would be perfectly nice in person and then be posting in really mean ways! And I found myself scrolling whether or not I was posting myself or not.. I Also have friends and family around the world. But what I discovered is that I use WhatsApp far more than Facebook to stay in touch with them! And also I learned when I was deactivating that you can keep Messenger and still deactivate your profile! Just if you do decide to go ahead and sign off.
I did a 5 month detox from instagram this year but ended up re-downloading and immediately falling back into the scrolling. I don’t think I know how to have a healthy relationship with social media. And with my toddler always giving me my phone and my baby constantly grabbing at it, I’m also feeling the pull away from it. But it’s hard, because I am an addict
I said something similar to my counselor once and she replied with something along the lines of it’s not me it’s them. The apps are designed to be addictive so of course they hook us in! The biggest help with staying off for me is to replace with it with something I enjoy in real life. Cooking, reading, exercising, seeing real people, ha! Best of luck, it’s tough!!
One thing to consider is that the reason you feel addicted, that it inevitably always pulls you in, is because that's exactly what it's designed to do. It's not that there's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with the app. It's not a bug, it's a feature of their design—on purpose.
Katie! I don’t even remember how I originally stumbled upon your blog a few years back (maybe Theology of Home or something?) but I have enjoyed your writing (and podcast as eps came out). Just wanted to say, my husband and I have been IN those meetings on social media marketing strategies and really, although they are at this point, an unavoidable part of media branding, the ick factor is real. About 4 years back, we cut the cord and deleted our personal FB pages. Initially, it was the most freeing thing. A big sigh of relief. Then came the missed invitations... people just forgot to include us. But we made a point to remind them to text or call for events. It’s gotten better! And there was initially pressure from family to let them post pictures of our kids. We stood our ground on our own “no kid pics on socials” policy while being charitable. It was hard, but I’m glad we did it. (That may not be for everyone- but it is what we’ve chosen and it has definitely removed a burden for us). Anyway, it might feel tough at first, but stick with it and just gently remind ppl in your life to text or call you. It makes it all the better when you do get together! 🙂
Thank you so much for this encouragement! And good reminder to nudge people to remember I still exist 😅 I've taken enough lengthy hiatuses that I've gotten used to having to reach out directly but I'm sure as time goes on it becomes even easier for people to just send those social media invites and forget... Also good to know it's worth it! Thank you so much for reading and listening.
This has been on my mind for the past year- I’ve tried the timer but almost always ignore it 😬 but even as I stay on Instagram, I hate the video style now and never feel like that’s something I’d do personally.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I’m going to be considering them (especially as my own daughter is now entering “why can’t I have a phone as a preteen” era 😑).
I often go through phases of deleting my social apps, and for the past year or so I’ve done pretty well with not having them in my phone, and checking them on my laptop every now and then. But I have noticed when I do download them or this reason or another, I am much more anxious and sad. My mind instantly goes into compare mode and my life is not good enough. Deleting it for good sounds like a great idea, and I think I may join you for your summer challenge. Thank you! 💕
Yes let's do this!! I'm still riding the high of the initial deactivation so I know I'll need some fellow digital detoxers to check in with when I start wanting to fall into old habits. Keep me posted how it goes!
Hi Katie. I'm new to substack (created yesterday!) I've been looking for an alternative to social media. As an author, one who is now embracing independent publishing, I know having an online presence is important. However, my FB feeds, both personal and professional, have stagnated. I haven't been participating in the algorithm so Meta is showing me what it wants. And what it wants to show me is just Ick.
I note you did this deactivation last summer. How are you doing? Have you reactivated or did you do a full delete? Has being off of the socials worked for you? If so, how? And most importantly, is Substack a good alternative?
I want to be brave and delete, at the minimum, Facebook.
Hi Elise! Welcome to Substack and I'm glad you found your way over here :) I have stayed off social media (Facebook + Instagram) since June 2023 when I wrote this piece. I don't miss it. There have been inconveniences of course (marketplace does come in handy) and I'm pretty sure there are a few acquaintances who have entirely forgotten about me. But that's okay! For me social media is just a gateway drug - I can't put limits on it. It's all or nothing for me. So I'm glad I recognized that.
Substack has encouraged me to write long form, and I've done a lot of it. My Substack grew by about 1,000 subscribers since last year, all without Instagram. I have had plenty of professional opportunities and started a business etc. Life goes on! It absolutely can be done (and I honestly think Meta overstates the 'necessity' of social media when it comes to promotion etc. Of course they want you to think you *need* it!) Substack works very well for me - though it has some of the same traps (notifications, a newsfeed of sorts) but I have discovered amazing writing here and feel like I've found *my* people - we love books, art, etc, and I never feel awful after scrolling substack. I still need to put parameters on it, like I do with all my technology, but I like it, it works for me!
It is very different from legacy social media though so I wouldn't even really think of it as a replacement - just something different you're doing with your online time. I hope this helps. Honestly once I finally hit that delete I felt nothing but incredible relief. I bet you'll feel the same!
As you know from our text convo 😊 I’m contemplating a “digital detox” for a month, though (at this point anyway) fully intend to come back - BUT with intentionality. I’m sure it will be so freeing to be away! At the same time, I think that one reason having my “tribe” online feels so important to me is because we’re a military family and are never able to put down roots. The only social circle that is consistent for me are my friends from online. I have also found myself going back in my IG Story archive from when we lived in Germany and when we were going thru infertility and am so glad I have that documented.
I think my biggest problem with social media is how it’s made me grab for my phone anytime there’s a free moment, and mindlessly scroll. I SO want to break myself of that!! I’ve always been an over sharer 😂 even before social media was a huge thing - like during college I had an email newsletter I’d send out to my family and friends back home, detailing my life. I’ve also had a blog in some form or another since end of high school (is that really almost 2 decades ago?? 🙈🙈) So my biggest goal is breaking the awful habit of scrolling and using my phone as a distraction. I’m thinking maybe taking the social media apps off my phone would be a good compromise?? We’ll see what I come up with! I’m even planning on staying away from Youtube for the detox because even there I’ve found myself scrolling and not being able to decide what to watch - and it’s not even technically a social media site! 🤦🏻♀️ Thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you! ☺️
I totally get that need for consistency and community Malori and you're in a very unique situation. I hope you can find the right balance for you. Happy to bounce ideas around as you experiment!
Your expression about this touches INTO all the important reasons that social media is diminishing what we are seeking by using it. I deleted all social media at the start of 2020. Not only did I delete, I also went through both my IG and FB account and deleted EVERYTHING. All photos, all posts, deleted friends, unfollowed, deleted messages, untagged myself etc. I decided I did not want anyone having access to the timeline of my growth as a person in such a personal way. How did that become normal? For people I don't even know to be able to look back at years of my personal evolution with glimpses into each phase of my messy beautiful journey without REAL context. I had noticed vulnerability being used as a tool in so many ways, and began to see how detrimental this was to folks in my world. It did not actually support their Wholeness. It did not actually feed their need. It did not actually help them mend their wounds. On the surface it created a sense of "seen-ness", but the deeper layers of pain remained. And how fascinating that it is so hard to permanently delete your account. It was not a straightforward process, I had to google it! And even with instruction, move through a maze to FULLY DELETE. I honestly have not missed it at all AND felt hesitation in creating a Substack. But I have been pleasantly surprised again and again with this platform as a space for long form expression, collaboration and creative inspiration.
I read (on Instagram lol) someone say that the reason people stay addicted to anything is because there are always good reasons to keep using. If it’s substance abuse, from the outside the reasons are harder to see but if you are the person who is addicted, of course there are reasons to keep using that go beyond physical addiction (how the substance makes you feel, what it makes you forget, the people it connects you to, whatever). There are always going to be good reasons to keep using social media, and if we wait for the day that those reasons go away to stop using it, then we’ll never stop.
I’ve found having IG on my iPad and FB on the laptop only has helped enormously in terms of the amount of time I spend on the apps, and with that sense of uncontrollably checking your phone and scrolling all the time. BUT as you say there’s more to it than that. Kids being the most important one. And btw, I am not someone who plans on keeping their kids tech free - not because I wouldn’t like to but because I would rather be the one to help them learn to use it in a healthy way than for them to leave my home and be “coached” by tech giants and who knows what else by that point.
But I already see the baby tracks my phone with his eyes when it’s in my hands. My kids go and get my phone without me even asking them to because they’ve observed that it’s essentially an extension of my arm.
Like you, I don’t share pictures of my kids with the public but also like you, I have to ask myself why I post pictures of them at all. Sharing with actual friends and family, directly via WhatsApp or whatever, makes sense. But do my friends from high school who I haven’t seen in nearly 15 years need to see my kids growing up? No.
I think I’ll join you in the summer off social, will just take a few days to figure out if there’re any ends to tie up first.
This makes a lot of sense Gina re the addiction aspect. And I am definitely an addict. I ALWAYS found a good reason to stay but I was just never ever able to find the balance in my life... So for me it just had to be a full sign off, at least for this time in my life with small children reflecting back all my habits, good and bad.
I also appreciate that it probably is very important to show our children that there is a healthy way to approach and use technology. I'm skeptical that there are many ways to use social media in a truly healthy way so as I model tech use for my kids I just didn't see how I could incorporate it... And YES to that question of WHY am I sharing this and for who?? I think if I'm honest there was an element of 'showing off' (in the best way possible - every one wants to show off their adorable kids, understandably!) but I can and should share those personal photos with the people who also know and love these kids, not the random acquaintances I've acquired over the years! I mean, how 'private' is it when I'm sharing photos with 300 some followers (a small amount by social media standards but still)?
Anyway, looking forward to continuing to think this through with you... Keep me posted how its going!
It's interesting what you said about addiction, especially in your first paragraph, because anytime I bring up something about leaving social media, there are a few "But, but, but I use it and I'm not addicted and it's just fine for me" comments, and I don't judge. ...But I do wonder if they're as self-aware as they think they are, that perhaps there's more of a dopamine hit-fueled dependence than they realize.
If family is the primary audience, we use the Family Album app as neither my husband nor I is comfortable sharing photos on social media. You invite the folks you want there and there’s still the ability for people to comment if they have something to say. 10/10 and it really helped me feel at peace with getting off of social media before my daughter was born.
I really want to do this but I don’t have a lot of “in person” friends so it’s really been used to substitute community. This really isn’t healthy for me I know. Plus I find myself very irritated with what I see so I know again I should delete. Pray for me please lol. Thanks again for sharing your mind Katie! 💛
I totally understand this Jasmine! I'm really hoping we can build community here on Substack and other areas of the web in lieu of social media. It's a big leap and it's a very personal decision. Keep us posted as you continue to navigate it! Thank you as always for reading! ❤️
"I’m still thinking in “Instagramese” even when I’m not on the app. I’m taking photos and thinking of a caption. I want to live the kind of life that doesn’t have captions, or hashtags, or a like count."
Yes, yes, YES. This whole thing is so good. If you're like me, you'll surprise yourself with how much better you'll feel, which makes IG seem so much sillier than it has in a long time. Well done!
Thank you so much Tsh! And thank you for your excellent example and sharing with us!
When I got to the part about your daughter repeating the phrase "I'm obnoxious", my gut dropped. I have been slowly peeling back from social media because I realized it makes me a more negative person. It impacts how I interact with others. I don't think I noticed it as clearly until I had my son who is now picking up a ton of language. I think Instagram is too heavy an emotional load to carry on top of being my best self, present in my vocation.
It's so tough, Katie - our kids can be very raw reflections for us sometimes. And truly we're just like them. We imitate what we see and hear - and so much of social media is negative, inflammatory, self aggrandizing, etc. Oof.
Very raw reflections is so right. I always see my bad habits mirrored in my toddler
I erased myself from Facebook after 10 years of use — I’ll be five years free this august 🦾
The biggest positive impact (and there are many) was just getting my *brain* back: not thinking like that anymore, owning my own mind and time, and my experiences with friends and family
I live far from many loved ones, but I learned that leaning on social media actually *prevents* you from making new, meaningful relationships. Now that I’m untethered, I see it from the other side: fledgling friendships are vulnerable, and social media is like a lawnmower, cutting down everything tender and alive to make its straight lines and doomy scrolls.
And the world is so rich and beautiful and For You! (not for the feed!) 😇
If anyone is looking for excellent, fulfilling reading: Jenny Odell’s How To Do Nothing and Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus are both really great books!! 🌺
I've been pondering this exact point recently social media preventing me from creating new real world friendships.
I realised last year I was listening to podcasts so I could listen to others have interesting conversations I was unable to have myself & have been yearning for.
Watching The Social Dilema in January helped, but getting off is going to be the decisive move.
Feeling connected via the internet vs real life are 2 different things.
I found you via Annelise (whom I found via Tsh Oxenreider) and just want to say HELL YES to all of this. I wrote about my own quitting journey a few months back and it’s very similar to yours. My nine-year-old, whose face I had stopped posting publicly when she was two, told me last year before I quit that I could post her face if I wanted to. I said no and she complained because she thought I was being overprotective. I laughed and said, “You’ll thank me one day.” I think your kids will do the same ❤️.
Wendi, I just went and read your post! Amazing! Thank you for sharing. So glad you found your way here. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I resonated with everything you wrote as well!
P.S. I, too, am obsessed with Scotland. My maiden name is Barclay and my family is from Glasgow. My husband and I spent two full weeks there a few years ago and it felt like coming home. So, I guess what I’m saying is solidarity, sister 👊🏻.
I love that! My sister and I did a coast to coast horseback ride across the Highlands and it was unreal... I've been a few other times and I always think one of these days I'm just not coming back :) I'm Irish by blood and Scottish at heart. Wonderful to meet another kindred spirit!
Hi, Katie! I'm a new follower, and this post is the final straw for me and Facebook. (Woohoo!) I got rid of Instagram a couple months ago and it - surprisingly - wasn't all that hard . . . but then I realized it was because I have Facebook to scroll instead. (Womp.) Everything you wrote rings true. Thank you. I actually don't want the app anymore. The excuses (Facebook Marketplace) held me tied to the app, but the cons way outweight the pros. Excited to shed what feels like a weight in my life!
Welcome Mary - and congrats! If you're anything like me you're just going to feel so immensely relieved. I never signed back on since I wrote this post, and it was absolutely the right choice! (I have survived and even thrifted and bought things sans marketplace. You'll be fine!)
So much of what you wrote really resonated with me. I haven't quite been able to cut the cord with Facebook, but I stopped posting three years ago. I STLL, three post-free years later, find myself as you put it, "thinking in the app", and still think of things I could put online if I was going to and how I would word it. I definitely felt a responsibility to entertain everyone - my online persona was the class clown. It was fun when FB was lighter and less political, but things started getting more intense during the back half of the 2010's, and by 2020 I was done. I unfriended at least half my friend list and haven't posted since. Lately I've been going on once daily and have been giving the occasional like or reply to a post, but I am still considering deleting it. What is keeping me on is that my friends live all over the world, and I use messenger for group chats.
Good for you Michelle! I agree everything got so tense and political. Even during times when I wasn't posting as much I was still so stressed out by signing on. It was a lot to be taking in. A lot of times I was so surprised by how people conducted themselves online. They would be perfectly nice in person and then be posting in really mean ways! And I found myself scrolling whether or not I was posting myself or not.. I Also have friends and family around the world. But what I discovered is that I use WhatsApp far more than Facebook to stay in touch with them! And also I learned when I was deactivating that you can keep Messenger and still deactivate your profile! Just if you do decide to go ahead and sign off.
I did a 5 month detox from instagram this year but ended up re-downloading and immediately falling back into the scrolling. I don’t think I know how to have a healthy relationship with social media. And with my toddler always giving me my phone and my baby constantly grabbing at it, I’m also feeling the pull away from it. But it’s hard, because I am an addict
I said something similar to my counselor once and she replied with something along the lines of it’s not me it’s them. The apps are designed to be addictive so of course they hook us in! The biggest help with staying off for me is to replace with it with something I enjoy in real life. Cooking, reading, exercising, seeing real people, ha! Best of luck, it’s tough!!
One thing to consider is that the reason you feel addicted, that it inevitably always pulls you in, is because that's exactly what it's designed to do. It's not that there's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with the app. It's not a bug, it's a feature of their design—on purpose.
Katie! I don’t even remember how I originally stumbled upon your blog a few years back (maybe Theology of Home or something?) but I have enjoyed your writing (and podcast as eps came out). Just wanted to say, my husband and I have been IN those meetings on social media marketing strategies and really, although they are at this point, an unavoidable part of media branding, the ick factor is real. About 4 years back, we cut the cord and deleted our personal FB pages. Initially, it was the most freeing thing. A big sigh of relief. Then came the missed invitations... people just forgot to include us. But we made a point to remind them to text or call for events. It’s gotten better! And there was initially pressure from family to let them post pictures of our kids. We stood our ground on our own “no kid pics on socials” policy while being charitable. It was hard, but I’m glad we did it. (That may not be for everyone- but it is what we’ve chosen and it has definitely removed a burden for us). Anyway, it might feel tough at first, but stick with it and just gently remind ppl in your life to text or call you. It makes it all the better when you do get together! 🙂
Thank you so much for this encouragement! And good reminder to nudge people to remember I still exist 😅 I've taken enough lengthy hiatuses that I've gotten used to having to reach out directly but I'm sure as time goes on it becomes even easier for people to just send those social media invites and forget... Also good to know it's worth it! Thank you so much for reading and listening.
This has been on my mind for the past year- I’ve tried the timer but almost always ignore it 😬 but even as I stay on Instagram, I hate the video style now and never feel like that’s something I’d do personally.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I’m going to be considering them (especially as my own daughter is now entering “why can’t I have a phone as a preteen” era 😑).
I often go through phases of deleting my social apps, and for the past year or so I’ve done pretty well with not having them in my phone, and checking them on my laptop every now and then. But I have noticed when I do download them or this reason or another, I am much more anxious and sad. My mind instantly goes into compare mode and my life is not good enough. Deleting it for good sounds like a great idea, and I think I may join you for your summer challenge. Thank you! 💕
Yes let's do this!! I'm still riding the high of the initial deactivation so I know I'll need some fellow digital detoxers to check in with when I start wanting to fall into old habits. Keep me posted how it goes!
Thank you!!! I would love that! I will check in on you, and would love the accountability as well. Why does scrolling have to be so addicting! Hahaha
Email me anytime! marquettekatie@gmail.com
Hi Katie. I'm new to substack (created yesterday!) I've been looking for an alternative to social media. As an author, one who is now embracing independent publishing, I know having an online presence is important. However, my FB feeds, both personal and professional, have stagnated. I haven't been participating in the algorithm so Meta is showing me what it wants. And what it wants to show me is just Ick.
I note you did this deactivation last summer. How are you doing? Have you reactivated or did you do a full delete? Has being off of the socials worked for you? If so, how? And most importantly, is Substack a good alternative?
I want to be brave and delete, at the minimum, Facebook.
Wishing you the best,
Elise
Hi Elise! Welcome to Substack and I'm glad you found your way over here :) I have stayed off social media (Facebook + Instagram) since June 2023 when I wrote this piece. I don't miss it. There have been inconveniences of course (marketplace does come in handy) and I'm pretty sure there are a few acquaintances who have entirely forgotten about me. But that's okay! For me social media is just a gateway drug - I can't put limits on it. It's all or nothing for me. So I'm glad I recognized that.
Substack has encouraged me to write long form, and I've done a lot of it. My Substack grew by about 1,000 subscribers since last year, all without Instagram. I have had plenty of professional opportunities and started a business etc. Life goes on! It absolutely can be done (and I honestly think Meta overstates the 'necessity' of social media when it comes to promotion etc. Of course they want you to think you *need* it!) Substack works very well for me - though it has some of the same traps (notifications, a newsfeed of sorts) but I have discovered amazing writing here and feel like I've found *my* people - we love books, art, etc, and I never feel awful after scrolling substack. I still need to put parameters on it, like I do with all my technology, but I like it, it works for me!
It is very different from legacy social media though so I wouldn't even really think of it as a replacement - just something different you're doing with your online time. I hope this helps. Honestly once I finally hit that delete I felt nothing but incredible relief. I bet you'll feel the same!
Thanks for reading!
Katie
As you know from our text convo 😊 I’m contemplating a “digital detox” for a month, though (at this point anyway) fully intend to come back - BUT with intentionality. I’m sure it will be so freeing to be away! At the same time, I think that one reason having my “tribe” online feels so important to me is because we’re a military family and are never able to put down roots. The only social circle that is consistent for me are my friends from online. I have also found myself going back in my IG Story archive from when we lived in Germany and when we were going thru infertility and am so glad I have that documented.
I think my biggest problem with social media is how it’s made me grab for my phone anytime there’s a free moment, and mindlessly scroll. I SO want to break myself of that!! I’ve always been an over sharer 😂 even before social media was a huge thing - like during college I had an email newsletter I’d send out to my family and friends back home, detailing my life. I’ve also had a blog in some form or another since end of high school (is that really almost 2 decades ago?? 🙈🙈) So my biggest goal is breaking the awful habit of scrolling and using my phone as a distraction. I’m thinking maybe taking the social media apps off my phone would be a good compromise?? We’ll see what I come up with! I’m even planning on staying away from Youtube for the detox because even there I’ve found myself scrolling and not being able to decide what to watch - and it’s not even technically a social media site! 🤦🏻♀️ Thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you! ☺️
I totally get that need for consistency and community Malori and you're in a very unique situation. I hope you can find the right balance for you. Happy to bounce ideas around as you experiment!
Your expression about this touches INTO all the important reasons that social media is diminishing what we are seeking by using it. I deleted all social media at the start of 2020. Not only did I delete, I also went through both my IG and FB account and deleted EVERYTHING. All photos, all posts, deleted friends, unfollowed, deleted messages, untagged myself etc. I decided I did not want anyone having access to the timeline of my growth as a person in such a personal way. How did that become normal? For people I don't even know to be able to look back at years of my personal evolution with glimpses into each phase of my messy beautiful journey without REAL context. I had noticed vulnerability being used as a tool in so many ways, and began to see how detrimental this was to folks in my world. It did not actually support their Wholeness. It did not actually feed their need. It did not actually help them mend their wounds. On the surface it created a sense of "seen-ness", but the deeper layers of pain remained. And how fascinating that it is so hard to permanently delete your account. It was not a straightforward process, I had to google it! And even with instruction, move through a maze to FULLY DELETE. I honestly have not missed it at all AND felt hesitation in creating a Substack. But I have been pleasantly surprised again and again with this platform as a space for long form expression, collaboration and creative inspiration.
Great post Katie thank you. Aware of the irony of finding it on Notes!! Good luck with your new freedom x