I read (on Instagram lol) someone say that the reason people stay addicted to anything is because there are always good reasons to keep using. If it’s substance abuse, from the outside the reasons are harder to see but if you are the person who is addicted, of course there are reasons to keep using that go beyond physical addiction (how the substance makes you feel, what it makes you forget, the people it connects you to, whatever). There are always going to be good reasons to keep using social media, and if we wait for the day that those reasons go away to stop using it, then we’ll never stop.
I’ve found having IG on my iPad and FB on the laptop only has helped enormously in terms of the amount of time I spend on the apps, and with that sense of uncontrollably checking your phone and scrolling all the time. BUT as you say there’s more to it than that. Kids being the most important one. And btw, I am not someone who plans on keeping their kids tech free - not because I wouldn’t like to but because I would rather be the one to help them learn to use it in a healthy way than for them to leave my home and be “coached” by tech giants and who knows what else by that point.
But I already see the baby tracks my phone with his eyes when it’s in my hands. My kids go and get my phone without me even asking them to because they’ve observed that it’s essentially an extension of my arm.
Like you, I don’t share pictures of my kids with the public but also like you, I have to ask myself why I post pictures of them at all. Sharing with actual friends and family, directly via WhatsApp or whatever, makes sense. But do my friends from high school who I haven’t seen in nearly 15 years need to see my kids growing up? No.
I think I’ll join you in the summer off social, will just take a few days to figure out if there’re any ends to tie up first.
I really want to do this but I don’t have a lot of “in person” friends so it’s really been used to substitute community. This really isn’t healthy for me I know. Plus I find myself very irritated with what I see so I know again I should delete. Pray for me please lol. Thanks again for sharing your mind Katie! 💛
"I’m still thinking in “Instagramese” even when I’m not on the app. I’m taking photos and thinking of a caption. I want to live the kind of life that doesn’t have captions, or hashtags, or a like count."
Yes, yes, YES. This whole thing is so good. If you're like me, you'll surprise yourself with how much better you'll feel, which makes IG seem so much sillier than it has in a long time. Well done!
Jun 23, 2023·edited Jun 23, 2023Liked by Katie Marquette
I erased myself from Facebook after 10 years of use — I’ll be five years free this august 🦾
The biggest positive impact (and there are many) was just getting my *brain* back: not thinking like that anymore, owning my own mind and time, and my experiences with friends and family
I live far from many loved ones, but I learned that leaning on social media actually *prevents* you from making new, meaningful relationships. Now that I’m untethered, I see it from the other side: fledgling friendships are vulnerable, and social media is like a lawnmower, cutting down everything tender and alive to make its straight lines and doomy scrolls.
And the world is so rich and beautiful and For You! (not for the feed!) 😇
If anyone is looking for excellent, fulfilling reading: Jenny Odell’s How To Do Nothing and Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus are both really great books!! 🌺
When I got to the part about your daughter repeating the phrase "I'm obnoxious", my gut dropped. I have been slowly peeling back from social media because I realized it makes me a more negative person. It impacts how I interact with others. I don't think I noticed it as clearly until I had my son who is now picking up a ton of language. I think Instagram is too heavy an emotional load to carry on top of being my best self, present in my vocation.
I found you via Annelise (whom I found via Tsh Oxenreider) and just want to say HELL YES to all of this. I wrote about my own quitting journey a few months back and it’s very similar to yours. My nine-year-old, whose face I had stopped posting publicly when she was two, told me last year before I quit that I could post her face if I wanted to. I said no and she complained because she thought I was being overprotective. I laughed and said, “You’ll thank me one day.” I think your kids will do the same ❤️.
So much of what you wrote really resonated with me. I haven't quite been able to cut the cord with Facebook, but I stopped posting three years ago. I STLL, three post-free years later, find myself as you put it, "thinking in the app", and still think of things I could put online if I was going to and how I would word it. I definitely felt a responsibility to entertain everyone - my online persona was the class clown. It was fun when FB was lighter and less political, but things started getting more intense during the back half of the 2010's, and by 2020 I was done. I unfriended at least half my friend list and haven't posted since. Lately I've been going on once daily and have been giving the occasional like or reply to a post, but I am still considering deleting it. What is keeping me on is that my friends live all over the world, and I use messenger for group chats.
I did a 5 month detox from instagram this year but ended up re-downloading and immediately falling back into the scrolling. I don’t think I know how to have a healthy relationship with social media. And with my toddler always giving me my phone and my baby constantly grabbing at it, I’m also feeling the pull away from it. But it’s hard, because I am an addict
This has been on my mind for the past year- I’ve tried the timer but almost always ignore it 😬 but even as I stay on Instagram, I hate the video style now and never feel like that’s something I’d do personally.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I’m going to be considering them (especially as my own daughter is now entering “why can’t I have a phone as a preteen” era 😑).
As you know from our text convo 😊 I’m contemplating a “digital detox” for a month, though (at this point anyway) fully intend to come back - BUT with intentionality. I’m sure it will be so freeing to be away! At the same time, I think that one reason having my “tribe” online feels so important to me is because we’re a military family and are never able to put down roots. The only social circle that is consistent for me are my friends from online. I have also found myself going back in my IG Story archive from when we lived in Germany and when we were going thru infertility and am so glad I have that documented.
I think my biggest problem with social media is how it’s made me grab for my phone anytime there’s a free moment, and mindlessly scroll. I SO want to break myself of that!! I’ve always been an over sharer 😂 even before social media was a huge thing - like during college I had an email newsletter I’d send out to my family and friends back home, detailing my life. I’ve also had a blog in some form or another since end of high school (is that really almost 2 decades ago?? 🙈🙈) So my biggest goal is breaking the awful habit of scrolling and using my phone as a distraction. I’m thinking maybe taking the social media apps off my phone would be a good compromise?? We’ll see what I come up with! I’m even planning on staying away from Youtube for the detox because even there I’ve found myself scrolling and not being able to decide what to watch - and it’s not even technically a social media site! 🤦🏻♀️ Thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you! ☺️
Your expression about this touches INTO all the important reasons that social media is diminishing what we are seeking by using it. I deleted all social media at the start of 2020. Not only did I delete, I also went through both my IG and FB account and deleted EVERYTHING. All photos, all posts, deleted friends, unfollowed, deleted messages, untagged myself etc. I decided I did not want anyone having access to the timeline of my growth as a person in such a personal way. How did that become normal? For people I don't even know to be able to look back at years of my personal evolution with glimpses into each phase of my messy beautiful journey without REAL context. I had noticed vulnerability being used as a tool in so many ways, and began to see how detrimental this was to folks in my world. It did not actually support their Wholeness. It did not actually feed their need. It did not actually help them mend their wounds. On the surface it created a sense of "seen-ness", but the deeper layers of pain remained. And how fascinating that it is so hard to permanently delete your account. It was not a straightforward process, I had to google it! And even with instruction, move through a maze to FULLY DELETE. I honestly have not missed it at all AND felt hesitation in creating a Substack. But I have been pleasantly surprised again and again with this platform as a space for long form expression, collaboration and creative inspiration.
Thank you for this testimony I have left Instagram like four times, coming back each time to create an account bc I thought it was was needed for my writing.. but just excuses and nonsense. I never liked social media (like Instagram and FB) from the beginning it wasn’t until 2015 I even created an account and that was only for my coaching business. But seriously there are such better ways to share -- plus you’re limited to what you can say.. in so many characters and what not. It’s a glimpse -- it’s nothing substantial. Which is why I have been enjoying this space.. the “old school” blogging -- with long form content and able to really get to know the writers. It’s so much better than scrolling through, what, like 20 reels that are basically the same. And then like you said ads thrown into the mix. It’s just a money hungry app where originality is (almost) completely lost. Happy to have found you in this little space.
Jun 26, 2023·edited Jun 26, 2023Liked by Katie Marquette
I deleted Facebook in September 2021, and Twitter in September 2022. Two of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I sleep better. I spend more time reading for pleasure, which I had almost completely stopped doing. I have better relationships with people-as you said we actually have something to talk about as we haven’t been following each other’s every move on social media.
Another kind of unique perspective on FB as someone who is deeply involved in local politics is how toxic social media is for local policy. Since I’ve been off FB, I’ve noticed how often the negativity on Facebook bleeds into local politics and how it has distorted decision making by local leaders (city council and school board). When I was part of those local FB groups, I believed the input to be gleaned was invaluable. I realize, in retrospect, that it’s actually representative of a very small group of citizens and that that group is being given far too much power to influence policy. I don’t think my city is an outlier in this.
I live in Allen, TX and the recent tragedy that occurred here almost led to me rejoining, as I knew FB was a guaranteed place I could “be” with the larger community. But I know myself well enough to know that it would have been the start down a slippery slope, so I resisted the urge. Thank goodness.
And, I must say Meta makes it hard to completely delete an account for a reason, and it all comes down to money. Like you, coming to that realization was what finally put me over the edge.
I am so grateful for your post. I have been tossing the idea of deactivation/deletion of my IG for a while. Like you, I have no self control and deleting the app doesn’t cut it for me. Thank you for taking this step of courage and helping others realize they can do the same. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
I read (on Instagram lol) someone say that the reason people stay addicted to anything is because there are always good reasons to keep using. If it’s substance abuse, from the outside the reasons are harder to see but if you are the person who is addicted, of course there are reasons to keep using that go beyond physical addiction (how the substance makes you feel, what it makes you forget, the people it connects you to, whatever). There are always going to be good reasons to keep using social media, and if we wait for the day that those reasons go away to stop using it, then we’ll never stop.
I’ve found having IG on my iPad and FB on the laptop only has helped enormously in terms of the amount of time I spend on the apps, and with that sense of uncontrollably checking your phone and scrolling all the time. BUT as you say there’s more to it than that. Kids being the most important one. And btw, I am not someone who plans on keeping their kids tech free - not because I wouldn’t like to but because I would rather be the one to help them learn to use it in a healthy way than for them to leave my home and be “coached” by tech giants and who knows what else by that point.
But I already see the baby tracks my phone with his eyes when it’s in my hands. My kids go and get my phone without me even asking them to because they’ve observed that it’s essentially an extension of my arm.
Like you, I don’t share pictures of my kids with the public but also like you, I have to ask myself why I post pictures of them at all. Sharing with actual friends and family, directly via WhatsApp or whatever, makes sense. But do my friends from high school who I haven’t seen in nearly 15 years need to see my kids growing up? No.
I think I’ll join you in the summer off social, will just take a few days to figure out if there’re any ends to tie up first.
I really want to do this but I don’t have a lot of “in person” friends so it’s really been used to substitute community. This really isn’t healthy for me I know. Plus I find myself very irritated with what I see so I know again I should delete. Pray for me please lol. Thanks again for sharing your mind Katie! 💛
"I’m still thinking in “Instagramese” even when I’m not on the app. I’m taking photos and thinking of a caption. I want to live the kind of life that doesn’t have captions, or hashtags, or a like count."
Yes, yes, YES. This whole thing is so good. If you're like me, you'll surprise yourself with how much better you'll feel, which makes IG seem so much sillier than it has in a long time. Well done!
I erased myself from Facebook after 10 years of use — I’ll be five years free this august 🦾
The biggest positive impact (and there are many) was just getting my *brain* back: not thinking like that anymore, owning my own mind and time, and my experiences with friends and family
I live far from many loved ones, but I learned that leaning on social media actually *prevents* you from making new, meaningful relationships. Now that I’m untethered, I see it from the other side: fledgling friendships are vulnerable, and social media is like a lawnmower, cutting down everything tender and alive to make its straight lines and doomy scrolls.
And the world is so rich and beautiful and For You! (not for the feed!) 😇
If anyone is looking for excellent, fulfilling reading: Jenny Odell’s How To Do Nothing and Johann Hari’s Stolen Focus are both really great books!! 🌺
When I got to the part about your daughter repeating the phrase "I'm obnoxious", my gut dropped. I have been slowly peeling back from social media because I realized it makes me a more negative person. It impacts how I interact with others. I don't think I noticed it as clearly until I had my son who is now picking up a ton of language. I think Instagram is too heavy an emotional load to carry on top of being my best self, present in my vocation.
I found you via Annelise (whom I found via Tsh Oxenreider) and just want to say HELL YES to all of this. I wrote about my own quitting journey a few months back and it’s very similar to yours. My nine-year-old, whose face I had stopped posting publicly when she was two, told me last year before I quit that I could post her face if I wanted to. I said no and she complained because she thought I was being overprotective. I laughed and said, “You’ll thank me one day.” I think your kids will do the same ❤️.
So much of what you wrote really resonated with me. I haven't quite been able to cut the cord with Facebook, but I stopped posting three years ago. I STLL, three post-free years later, find myself as you put it, "thinking in the app", and still think of things I could put online if I was going to and how I would word it. I definitely felt a responsibility to entertain everyone - my online persona was the class clown. It was fun when FB was lighter and less political, but things started getting more intense during the back half of the 2010's, and by 2020 I was done. I unfriended at least half my friend list and haven't posted since. Lately I've been going on once daily and have been giving the occasional like or reply to a post, but I am still considering deleting it. What is keeping me on is that my friends live all over the world, and I use messenger for group chats.
I did a 5 month detox from instagram this year but ended up re-downloading and immediately falling back into the scrolling. I don’t think I know how to have a healthy relationship with social media. And with my toddler always giving me my phone and my baby constantly grabbing at it, I’m also feeling the pull away from it. But it’s hard, because I am an addict
This has been on my mind for the past year- I’ve tried the timer but almost always ignore it 😬 but even as I stay on Instagram, I hate the video style now and never feel like that’s something I’d do personally.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I’m going to be considering them (especially as my own daughter is now entering “why can’t I have a phone as a preteen” era 😑).
As you know from our text convo 😊 I’m contemplating a “digital detox” for a month, though (at this point anyway) fully intend to come back - BUT with intentionality. I’m sure it will be so freeing to be away! At the same time, I think that one reason having my “tribe” online feels so important to me is because we’re a military family and are never able to put down roots. The only social circle that is consistent for me are my friends from online. I have also found myself going back in my IG Story archive from when we lived in Germany and when we were going thru infertility and am so glad I have that documented.
I think my biggest problem with social media is how it’s made me grab for my phone anytime there’s a free moment, and mindlessly scroll. I SO want to break myself of that!! I’ve always been an over sharer 😂 even before social media was a huge thing - like during college I had an email newsletter I’d send out to my family and friends back home, detailing my life. I’ve also had a blog in some form or another since end of high school (is that really almost 2 decades ago?? 🙈🙈) So my biggest goal is breaking the awful habit of scrolling and using my phone as a distraction. I’m thinking maybe taking the social media apps off my phone would be a good compromise?? We’ll see what I come up with! I’m even planning on staying away from Youtube for the detox because even there I’ve found myself scrolling and not being able to decide what to watch - and it’s not even technically a social media site! 🤦🏻♀️ Thanks for letting me bounce ideas off you! ☺️
Your expression about this touches INTO all the important reasons that social media is diminishing what we are seeking by using it. I deleted all social media at the start of 2020. Not only did I delete, I also went through both my IG and FB account and deleted EVERYTHING. All photos, all posts, deleted friends, unfollowed, deleted messages, untagged myself etc. I decided I did not want anyone having access to the timeline of my growth as a person in such a personal way. How did that become normal? For people I don't even know to be able to look back at years of my personal evolution with glimpses into each phase of my messy beautiful journey without REAL context. I had noticed vulnerability being used as a tool in so many ways, and began to see how detrimental this was to folks in my world. It did not actually support their Wholeness. It did not actually feed their need. It did not actually help them mend their wounds. On the surface it created a sense of "seen-ness", but the deeper layers of pain remained. And how fascinating that it is so hard to permanently delete your account. It was not a straightforward process, I had to google it! And even with instruction, move through a maze to FULLY DELETE. I honestly have not missed it at all AND felt hesitation in creating a Substack. But I have been pleasantly surprised again and again with this platform as a space for long form expression, collaboration and creative inspiration.
Great post Katie thank you. Aware of the irony of finding it on Notes!! Good luck with your new freedom x
Thank you for this testimony I have left Instagram like four times, coming back each time to create an account bc I thought it was was needed for my writing.. but just excuses and nonsense. I never liked social media (like Instagram and FB) from the beginning it wasn’t until 2015 I even created an account and that was only for my coaching business. But seriously there are such better ways to share -- plus you’re limited to what you can say.. in so many characters and what not. It’s a glimpse -- it’s nothing substantial. Which is why I have been enjoying this space.. the “old school” blogging -- with long form content and able to really get to know the writers. It’s so much better than scrolling through, what, like 20 reels that are basically the same. And then like you said ads thrown into the mix. It’s just a money hungry app where originality is (almost) completely lost. Happy to have found you in this little space.
I deleted Facebook in September 2021, and Twitter in September 2022. Two of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I sleep better. I spend more time reading for pleasure, which I had almost completely stopped doing. I have better relationships with people-as you said we actually have something to talk about as we haven’t been following each other’s every move on social media.
Another kind of unique perspective on FB as someone who is deeply involved in local politics is how toxic social media is for local policy. Since I’ve been off FB, I’ve noticed how often the negativity on Facebook bleeds into local politics and how it has distorted decision making by local leaders (city council and school board). When I was part of those local FB groups, I believed the input to be gleaned was invaluable. I realize, in retrospect, that it’s actually representative of a very small group of citizens and that that group is being given far too much power to influence policy. I don’t think my city is an outlier in this.
I live in Allen, TX and the recent tragedy that occurred here almost led to me rejoining, as I knew FB was a guaranteed place I could “be” with the larger community. But I know myself well enough to know that it would have been the start down a slippery slope, so I resisted the urge. Thank goodness.
And, I must say Meta makes it hard to completely delete an account for a reason, and it all comes down to money. Like you, coming to that realization was what finally put me over the edge.
I am so grateful for your post. I have been tossing the idea of deactivation/deletion of my IG for a while. Like you, I have no self control and deleting the app doesn’t cut it for me. Thank you for taking this step of courage and helping others realize they can do the same. Sometimes that’s all it takes.
Excellent.